My youngest son, Jackson, loves to say this....wait for it....in a fun tone when he is usually getting ready to put a huge smile on my face. I like waiting for those moments. Currently, God is saying to me...wait for it....in lots' of ways but mostly about waiting for the glorious reunion with Alex.
I know it's out there because God said so! I'm a very gullible gal, as most my friends know and it can work against me most of the time. So believing God's word might seem, on the surface, an easy way to just ignore what is happening. Hardly! In fact, just the opposite.
When I wait, I learn patience, I learn trust, I learn the lesson that sticks with me forever.
Think about when you have to wait for something-anything - it's always on our minds, it becomes part of decision-making process (whether we realize or not), maybe we role play the final outcome in several scenarios. Like Christmas morning...we KNOW it's coming, we see the gifts under the tree, the lights in the stores, the music on the radio. I mean, it's so crazy obvious, yet why can't we just open the gifts on December 16th? Well, it just wouldn't be "Christmas!".
We wouldn't have had to wait and wonder...and most importantly, experience the process and awe of what the actual day, 25th, is all about. Then we sit around every year and talk about past Christmas; what they were like and where we were and with whom.
I really don't recall sitting around with friends and family talking about March 7th every year.
God has brought new friends into my life that don't yet know Alex and it got me thinking that someday they WILL meet him!! How exciting! I think about what God is doing right now in Alex's life and my life until that day. I am overwhelmed with both excitement and awe and love for God that I mostly cry.
These tears are not because I'm sad (although I miss Alex more than I can put into words). These tears are because I know without a shadow of doubt that our day is coming. Only I don't have lights or music or objects to tell me how close that day is approaching.
God is calling me closer to Him to rely on Him even more as I wait on His timing and I have found in just the past week, that I'm a bit giddy when I focus on the His promise rather than on the pain of separation for now....I simply cannot and will not allow today's mystery to "dull my sparkle" or my love for Jesus!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Got "no" title
We just got back from taking Jackson back to ECU for his Sophomore year...time is really racing these days. I don't like it one bit. I miss my boys; Alex and Jackson - always will.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Twenty!
Once a month (and lately, twice a month due to what God is doing here) I hold Orientations - required to serve independently on the First Impressions Teams...last night was a "last minute" and "unplanned" one - but 20 people showed up and 20 people signed up to serve - I was blessed to witness:
20 heads nod in agreement when talked about this being a MINISTRY!!!
20 smiles when they learned that "If you want to be a greeter - apply at Wal Mart - if
you want to make a kingdom difference...let's go!"
20 handshakes thank me for "letting" them be a part of what God is doing....are you kidding me!
20 more everyday people that God is lifting to experience Him even more in extraordianary
circumstance.
Wow! Thank you Lord....times 20!
20 heads nod in agreement when talked about this being a MINISTRY!!!
20 smiles when they learned that "If you want to be a greeter - apply at Wal Mart - if
you want to make a kingdom difference...let's go!"
20 handshakes thank me for "letting" them be a part of what God is doing....are you kidding me!
20 more everyday people that God is lifting to experience Him even more in extraordianary
circumstance.
Wow! Thank you Lord....times 20!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
The Best Option
So we are in our new apartment and we thought Hondo was big before now! He is a super, biggie-size German Shephard in our new home. We have surrendered our 10 acres, our log home for what we believe God wants to show us next. I am now surrendering my "mothering" as I get of the way of what God is doing with us, with me and with our oldest son.
This surrender thing just never ends! Oh yeah - it's that never ending Road Trip again....
So when do I get a break from all this Let Go?
Actually, that would be too boring and certainly not living the dangerous adventure of following Jesus. I really do not want to go back to my former life. And through it all, I do sense Him near me; encouraging me through friends' hugs and prayers, through affirmation from parents that have "been there", through extra pizza at Saturday service, through a good nights' sleep, through a relaxing evening watching a crazy game show with my family and through His word:
Times like these - the desparate times when common sense is not so common after all because what we thought what was the norm is now out of context and ABnormal.
So I RELY and DEPEND on God's promises and His faithfulness....Otherwise, you would likely find me in one of two places:
ONE: In a closet, in a heap with no hope or
TWO: Running the roads and trying to control everything and everyone while making life miserable for anyone (including YOU) within a 5 mile radius of me.
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I'm trusting God? :)
This surrender thing just never ends! Oh yeah - it's that never ending Road Trip again....
So when do I get a break from all this Let Go?
Actually, that would be too boring and certainly not living the dangerous adventure of following Jesus. I really do not want to go back to my former life. And through it all, I do sense Him near me; encouraging me through friends' hugs and prayers, through affirmation from parents that have "been there", through extra pizza at Saturday service, through a good nights' sleep, through a relaxing evening watching a crazy game show with my family and through His word:
Times like these - the desparate times when common sense is not so common after all because what we thought what was the norm is now out of context and ABnormal.
So I RELY and DEPEND on God's promises and His faithfulness....Otherwise, you would likely find me in one of two places:
ONE: In a closet, in a heap with no hope or
TWO: Running the roads and trying to control everything and everyone while making life miserable for anyone (including YOU) within a 5 mile radius of me.
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I'm trusting God? :)
Friday, August 1, 2008
Road Trip - 4 of 4
This week we see Mary Ann coming out of the convenience Mart with a giant candy bar, giant Slim Jims, Biggie Size Drink, family-size bag of chips…yep – she’s ready for the Road Trip to continue…..and what is this? Russ is throwing all kinds of trash out of the car – the “road kill”, the ball of yarn, the trash from all the food eaten and then some…..and it’s all flying all over the place!
It seems that Russ has been asking that familiar question when on a journey – “Are we there yet?” over and over and over….
**************
Mary Ann:
We know in our Road Trip with Jesus – we will never “be there” until we meet Him face to face! But meanwhile…He continues to work on the issues in our lives if we are only ready to open our eyes and hearts and allow Him to show us.
When I first met Dean, my thought was that he was not “my type”…he was “too churchy”…whatever that means! But God knew exactly what I needed…not what I thought I wanted; although I also did not want or have any intention or plan to ever date much less remarry. I love that God’s plans are way better than mine. Dean’s gentle spirit, kindness and calm in my loud, fast and crazy life is exactly what I need and crave and love the most.
Lately, I realize that I need to honor God’s beautiful gift to me – to show more respect and honor to my husband. “Sing-a-bout-it-is”- when I commit this to Him, He throws this right back at me to see if I’m really serious.
With our move from Pittsboro to Raleigh, I was transitioning our Small Group to a new Leader. I was planning our last Small Group gathering when I learned that a couple of the folks had suggested having it at their home and do a Pot Luck dinner. What? That was not in “my plan”. As I went on about what I wanted the evening to be about, Dean sat quietly and listened. Then he said; “Did you stop and think that they were actually thinking of helping you with not having to add this night while we are in the middle of packing to move?” Dean did not raise his voice. In fact, I believe that the calm and quietness forced me to really listen…to be obedient. Then Dean said: “You know Mary Ann, it’s not about you.”
OUCH!…….He was so right. (Yes- you can print this and give to Dean for a present).
I know that I’m making progress, and I know that I’m not there yet…cool thing – He wants me to get there! He will do whatever it takes to get me there….and He encourages me along the way as I make it further down the road……but I know that I’m “somewhere in the middle”.
RUSS:
God has recently been revealing things to me in an area of my life in which I thought "I was there". I thought I was doing more than enough to get by and definitely doing more than I thought others were doing. Pride, as it often does, even got in the way.
I believe I am a generous person and I love to bless people. I tithe to Hope and I also give "above and beyond" offerings to Hope, to other churches, and to other ministries that are making an impact for the Kingdom of God. I was happy whith my level of giving. God was not. God has long ago been ready for me to take this area of my life to the next level. I was definitely not "there yet".
So...I prayed. I prayed for Holy Spirit conviction about my spending habits. "Lord, nudge me when I am getting ready to make a poor choice". Above all (in any area of my life), I want to honor and obey God. A local pastor recently said that "tithing comes from obedience, but an offering (above and beyond) comes from revelation". God has been revealing to me ways to "seek first the Kingdom". (Matthew 6:33)
Now I believe that God loves to reward His children. He is not trying to deprive me of anything. God is just improving my Kingdom-focus! I have been "tormented" recently in a Nordstrom's fitting room, trying to talk God into letting me purchase a pair of jeans I wanted. I knew in my heart that, at least for now, that was not the wise thing to do. It wasn't easy, but growth rarely is.
"If then you have been raised with Christ [to a new life] aim at and seek the [rich, eternal treasures] that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth. For [as far as the world is concerned] you have died, and your new, real life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians #;1-3 (AMP)
Mary Ann:
When I remember my life BEFORE Christ: No reason or hope to live – to AFTER Christ: I live to serve Him
And Russ’s life BEFORE Christ: Weak and defeated – to AFTER Christ: Strong and victorious in Him
I remember thinking that was it. I was “done”. Yeah! But, thank you Lord that you did not leave me there but you carry me through this life. He makes it richer, deeper and sometimes even painful….but I have HOPE and JOY in it all!!
Remember when we serve on the weekends; when someone is rude or hurtful or confused – we don’t know where they are on their personal journey. If you had met me back BEFORE you would not have thought much of me or even liked me. People walk through our doors all the time in their BEFORE state and they also come in their AFTER state but God is working on building them as well. We must love them like He does and accept them and offer that grace and mercy to them because they might be:
Lost on the road
Needing to Rest along the journey
Cleaning out the trash accumulated along the way and we inadvertently get hit by some of it
Dealing with an unexpected event or tragedy
Finding their way to be more devoted to Jesus
This is what makes First Impressions Ministry a MINISTRY!
It seems that Russ has been asking that familiar question when on a journey – “Are we there yet?” over and over and over….
**************
Mary Ann:
We know in our Road Trip with Jesus – we will never “be there” until we meet Him face to face! But meanwhile…He continues to work on the issues in our lives if we are only ready to open our eyes and hearts and allow Him to show us.
When I first met Dean, my thought was that he was not “my type”…he was “too churchy”…whatever that means! But God knew exactly what I needed…not what I thought I wanted; although I also did not want or have any intention or plan to ever date much less remarry. I love that God’s plans are way better than mine. Dean’s gentle spirit, kindness and calm in my loud, fast and crazy life is exactly what I need and crave and love the most.
Lately, I realize that I need to honor God’s beautiful gift to me – to show more respect and honor to my husband. “Sing-a-bout-it-is”- when I commit this to Him, He throws this right back at me to see if I’m really serious.
With our move from Pittsboro to Raleigh, I was transitioning our Small Group to a new Leader. I was planning our last Small Group gathering when I learned that a couple of the folks had suggested having it at their home and do a Pot Luck dinner. What? That was not in “my plan”. As I went on about what I wanted the evening to be about, Dean sat quietly and listened. Then he said; “Did you stop and think that they were actually thinking of helping you with not having to add this night while we are in the middle of packing to move?” Dean did not raise his voice. In fact, I believe that the calm and quietness forced me to really listen…to be obedient. Then Dean said: “You know Mary Ann, it’s not about you.”
OUCH!…….He was so right. (Yes- you can print this and give to Dean for a present).
I know that I’m making progress, and I know that I’m not there yet…cool thing – He wants me to get there! He will do whatever it takes to get me there….and He encourages me along the way as I make it further down the road……but I know that I’m “somewhere in the middle”.
RUSS:
God has recently been revealing things to me in an area of my life in which I thought "I was there". I thought I was doing more than enough to get by and definitely doing more than I thought others were doing. Pride, as it often does, even got in the way.
I believe I am a generous person and I love to bless people. I tithe to Hope and I also give "above and beyond" offerings to Hope, to other churches, and to other ministries that are making an impact for the Kingdom of God. I was happy whith my level of giving. God was not. God has long ago been ready for me to take this area of my life to the next level. I was definitely not "there yet".
So...I prayed. I prayed for Holy Spirit conviction about my spending habits. "Lord, nudge me when I am getting ready to make a poor choice". Above all (in any area of my life), I want to honor and obey God. A local pastor recently said that "tithing comes from obedience, but an offering (above and beyond) comes from revelation". God has been revealing to me ways to "seek first the Kingdom". (Matthew 6:33)
Now I believe that God loves to reward His children. He is not trying to deprive me of anything. God is just improving my Kingdom-focus! I have been "tormented" recently in a Nordstrom's fitting room, trying to talk God into letting me purchase a pair of jeans I wanted. I knew in my heart that, at least for now, that was not the wise thing to do. It wasn't easy, but growth rarely is.
"If then you have been raised with Christ [to a new life] aim at and seek the [rich, eternal treasures] that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth. For [as far as the world is concerned] you have died, and your new, real life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians #;1-3 (AMP)
Mary Ann:
When I remember my life BEFORE Christ: No reason or hope to live – to AFTER Christ: I live to serve Him
And Russ’s life BEFORE Christ: Weak and defeated – to AFTER Christ: Strong and victorious in Him
I remember thinking that was it. I was “done”. Yeah! But, thank you Lord that you did not leave me there but you carry me through this life. He makes it richer, deeper and sometimes even painful….but I have HOPE and JOY in it all!!
Remember when we serve on the weekends; when someone is rude or hurtful or confused – we don’t know where they are on their personal journey. If you had met me back BEFORE you would not have thought much of me or even liked me. People walk through our doors all the time in their BEFORE state and they also come in their AFTER state but God is working on building them as well. We must love them like He does and accept them and offer that grace and mercy to them because they might be:
Lost on the road
Needing to Rest along the journey
Cleaning out the trash accumulated along the way and we inadvertently get hit by some of it
Dealing with an unexpected event or tragedy
Finding their way to be more devoted to Jesus
This is what makes First Impressions Ministry a MINISTRY!
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