Journey On

They said "Yes!" to volunteering...now what?

2011-09-22T20:34:00.003-04:00

While we will never have 100% of our volunteer slots filled - or hey - we wouldn't need to rely on God getting us through those lean services, we keep praying for MORE. Then it happens, someone actually says "YES!"

Yes to serving - even though it may cost them some time or being uncomfortable or worried if they will "fit in". They may wonder if this is thing that will help them discover what it means to - "serve where you are gifted". I mean - how many of us really know what that means if you have nevered served before? I know I didn't.

What amazes me is that sometimes we hear the "Yes!" and then when nothing happens after that.

A simple email or a handshake saying - "Welcome to the team!" can go miles!!! It says that someone has actually noticed them as being counted on and is truly happy about it.

Or just taking the time to activey look for them when they come through the doors the first time speaks volumes. We can forget that while we are "serving together" and know it can be a blast and a priveledge; the new person walking in is like the new kid in school. Everyone else seems to know the ropes and each other - let's remember to include and invite the newest volunteers to be included.

I guess it just boils down to simple hospitality and manners. In our fast paced world of hurry-hurry, taking the time to genuinely welcome those serving can be the difference between:
"What did I sign up for? They don't need or want me....really."

To..."Wow! I'm so glad I said yes - these people want me here".

The Volunteers want to be reassured that they made the right decision to serve - we, as leaders and volunteers, need to show them they did!

MINE MINE MINE!

2011-08-12T08:14:00.002-04:00

Many of my friends have very young children - under the ages of 7-8 - and their stories remind me of when my two boys were that age. They were of course, totally adorable - but they also were very selfish. Toys, bedrooms, food....all came with an imaginary boundary of what belonged to who and if the line was crossed, the battle cry of "Mine!" was heard throughout the land.

Not much has changed - as my youngest son has his last semester at college, he is moving into an unfurnished apartment. Read: "I have nothing so I need all my stuff from home here."

A quick disclaimer for the protection of the innocent: He is a caring, loving and very giving son.

Back to the point.

It got me thinking. Really? YOUR stuff? Who bought this stuff? Who hauled the stuff in the house? Who took the time to work and earn the money to buy this stuff? Who drove to the various and asundry places to get the stuff?

But then, I did the exact same thing when I moved from home. I wanted to take all my stuff with me. My parents explained that is was not my stuff. It was theirs....hmmm...I get it now!

Or do I. Even now, I lay claim to things that are not mine at all. Although I see/experience them everyday. My house, car, furniture - sure I bought them but they are so temporary, why do I sometimes have a personal attachment to the stuff?

Then comes people - my family, my children, my friends. Do I control them? Do I "buy" them?
Seems like just when I get stuck in the "Mine debate" -God reminds me there is only one "mine" - I am HIS. As my Pastor, Mike Lee, has said - It ALL belongs to GOD!

Great reminder when I look at the children - young or young adult - around me and then myself...I really don't own anything. Good thing. FREEDOM!

Are we there yet?

2011-08-03T16:17:00.001-04:00

On our Summer Road Trips, we keep asking the question – ARE WE THERE YET????

Many of us believe that once we are in church or accepted Christ into our hearts…we are “there”…nope! We are now beginning our transformation journey as God works in our lives! There are basically 3 parts to our stories:

1. My life before Christ…..

2. When/how I met Christ….

3. My life following Christ…

Michele:

1. My life before Christ I lived in fear; mostly fear of being alone and made a lot of bad decisions.

2. When I became a Christ follower – I had to face my greatest fear after Dave passed away. God showed me that He would always be with me.

3. My life following Christ – I would like to say I have arrived – I haven’t – but I continue to walk toward God, to rely on HIM alone and when the fear sets in, He reminds me that He is still with me.

Carl:

1. My life before Christ, it was all about me-me-me –what Carl wanted, when he wanted it and at whatever cost.

2. I met Christ when I was at my lowest – I was isolated since I had alienate everyone around me with my pride.

3. My life now continues to be a journey of obedience as I work through letting go more of “me” and focus it being more and all about HIM.

Mary Ann:

1. My life before Christ - it was all “doing” and accomplishments (homecoming queen & cheerleading in HS – commercial banker – Chief Financial Officer..)

2. I met Christ as a Single Mom w/2 young boys, clinically depressed and 1 suicide attempt-no reason or hope to live - He rescued and restored me

3. Now I live to serve Him -everyday, letting go more of me to have it be all about Him.

When I first met Dean, my thought was that he was not “my type”, whatever that means! But God knew exactly what I needed not what I thought I wanted. I love that God’s plans are way better than mine. Dean’s gentle spirit, kindness and calm in my loud, fast and crazy life is exactly what I need and crave and love the most.

With our move from Pittsboro to Raleigh 3 years ago, I was planning our last Small Group gathering when I learned that a couple of the folks had suggested having it at their home and do a Pot Luck dinner. What? That was not in “my plan”. As I went on about what I wanted the evening to be about, Dean sat quietly and listened.

Then he said; “Did you stop and think that they were actually thinking of helping you with not having to add this night while we are in the middle of packing to move?” Dean did not raise his voice. In fact, I believe that the calm and quietness forced me to really listen…to be obedient.

Then Dean said: “You know Mary Ann, it’s not about you.”

OUCH!…….He was so right.

I know that I’m making progress, and I know that I’m not there yet…the cool thing is – He wants me to get there! He will do whatever it takes to get me there….and He encourages me along the way as I make it further down the road……and I know that I’m “somewhere in the middle”.

Are YOU there yet?

"Happy"? Anniversary...

2011-07-19T07:49:00.004-04:00

Anniversaries are typically full of celebrations. But I've also learned they also represent tick marks of another year marking a loss - someone is missing someone. I have close friends that have suffered such great loss and stand in awe how they remain faithful to the BIG God we have. Even though their months and years include great sadness, they also demonstrate joy and praise in the midst of the celebration of others.

So I face my own anniversary - June 24th.

June 24, 2008 was the last time I saw Alex, my oldest son. I stood in the parking lot at his work at the end of the day. He had not returned my phone calls in over 2 weeks. I was confused since the last we spoke he was coming over to help us move on Saturday - but he was a "no show".

Alex stood in the parking lot, in the rain, and simple said that he was not ready to talk and needed a couple of weeks.

Believe it or not...but as my friends say - "That's one powerful Holy Spirit to shut your mouth!" :) - I said nothing more - just "I love you." He walked away and I drove away, thinking we would talk again soon.

In Deuteronomy 1:6 God says "You have stayed long enough at this mountain." I wonder how long I will be at my "mountain". This high-vast-desolate place that is the separation between my oldest son and me. It took the Israelites 40 years!

Deuteronomy 1:30 comforts me - "The Lord you God, who goes before you will Himself fight on your behalf..." Wow - My God is fighting for ME! I visualize - if that is even possible - of the raging spiritual warfare that my God is fighting. The fight that only He can fight.

It's God job to do the fighting - it's my job to trust and get out of the way.

Oh yeah...and be joyfully celebrating and praising Him in the midst of my own "40 years".

Go Carolynn!

2011-06-03T11:26:00.004-04:00

In our First Look Classes - I explain that if you want to "just Greet" then please go to Wal-Mart....but if you want to make a difference in someone's life....then let's go!

The point is that First Impressions is a MINISTRY - maintaining this vision is a constant challenge because - well...

we all have lives filled with so many distractions and struggles that take our focus away from the WHY we serve

we don't always see or experience the blessings in directing traffic or handing someone a bulletin

it can be boring or just a post

we don't always know where we are really gifted to serve so we take "whatever" is open

That's why we rely big time on our Team Leaders. These Leaders are more than just a "go to" people on for their team. We train and cast vision to our leaders to focus on the ministry. To be transparent to their teams and to be open to sharing what God is doing in their lives.

I find it funny and sad at the same time - that while serving at church, people (including me) can forget that we are "at a church"...duh! So we make it a priority to pray alot together - with the leaders - with our teams right their IN church. We also work hard to remind each other the WINS for the Kingdom every time a team serves. We meet with all our Leaders in our Leader Debrief at the end of our last service together to talk, share and pray for all of us and our teams "finish strong" when our last services ends.

Today, I received a copy of the following email that our newest Team Leader, Carolynn, sent to her team for this Saturday. WOW! I believe that this is exactly what Jesus had in mind when he taught us to encourage and disciple one another...what do you think?

"When I was talking to Marilyn this past week, she expressed how sad she was to not be able to serve for the next few months because of her class. It got me thinking about how much I also love serving GOD! Sometimes, I feel almost selfish serving as I personally get so much out of it...a support team, a deeper connection to the church community, and a stronger relationship with GOD! I was reading my Bible last week and happened to stumble upon a little side box that stated, "We will find happiness in loving GOD and serving others." It basically said that we will experience real joy in giving of ourselves to GOD and others out of love....that is when we will find purpose in life and experience true happiness. John 15:9-13 says, "I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. When you obey my commandments, you remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with joy. Yes, your joy will overflow! This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's riends." Jesus gave us the ultimate example of love by laying down his life for us! He is asking us in the above verses to do nothing less. This doesn't necessarily mean actually dying, but placing someone's needs above your own! Let's go Love people this weekend!!! I am excited to see how GOD uses us!"

I love how Carolynn shared her fears, excitement and trust in God to her team. Now this is church!

Serving Up Inspiration

2011-04-09T20:10:00.006-04:00

Volunteers constantly inspire me! These are the people that come with their history, some with "baggage", some not even sure what serving in ministry is really all about and yet they offer their time and themselves - just simply willing to put themselves out there. To come and serve others. To be about someone else's needs and set theirs aside for a few hours. On the surface, it seems pretty benign. "Hey, come volunteer and help Greet, or be a Roadie or check in other volunteers." But then the growth and the inspiration starts to occur from serving together. We never know when or how God will move specifically in their lives. But we KNOW that He will! We try to explain and cast vision to encourage people that serving is more than what we see on the surface. But until it happens, it can sound like a great marketing gimmick. Then WHAM! Volunteers that thought, "I don't think I want to serve but I'll give it a go." soon transform to leading a team and then adding - You HAVE to call me if you are ever short on a team and I will be here! Volunteers that said - "I could never make a difference." - transform into prayer warriors as they sit and pray with someone they never met before and walk away even more humbled. Volunteers that not only have huge smiles in freezing weather or as they stand out in the rain - but say - "It's my honor to be here today!" Volunteers that serve in some of our most remote areas seem to be the happiest! Volunteers that give up their seats to accomodate our guests having "the best seats" without being asked. The list is endless. Today, I met 12 new volunteers. They came to learn about serving and where they could sign up. I looked at them and thought; "Oh boy! I can't wait to see what God is going to do in their lives." This has to be one of the "bestest" part of my job - I get a front row seat to witness God work through them to show others His love. Volunteers are people - we like to say we are "broken people serving broken people." When we truly understand that WE are broken and dependent on God -then we are able to fully love on others that are just like us! The least we can do is impart "hope"!

To stand in prayer

2011-03-24T17:00:00.004-04:00

I had the priveledge to pray for a young couple today - expecting to adopt any day! This is only one reminder of why I do what I do - to see God working in someone's life.

Brian and Kelly have been serving in First Impressions for awhile - they are a very quiet couple. Yet over the past year, they have been a constant on one of our Saturday teams. Always there, always smiling, always encouraging. I really got to know them better when they decided to look into taking a leadership role in First Impressions. Oh yeah, that's the other best part of my job - hearing peoples' stories of how Christ impacted their lives and then seeing them share their faith as they love on their teams.

It seemed that every time Brian and Kelly's team was serving, Kelly would find an opportunity to pray with someone; mostly a complete stranger. She shared how nervous she was to pray but she obeyed and prayed anyway.

Today, Kelly stood in our office with the latest update on their adoption. She was leaving to get on a plane to fly to Arizona and Brian would follow the next day. They have all the papers completed and have been praying like crazy. Now it's up to God to finish what He has in store for them.

There are many things that can still go awry - and there are still "papers" that still might prevent them bringing home their baby. I could see Kelly's faith in her face; sprinkle in a bit of anxious excitement. As she talked about how they have been praying - there I stood and was hit with "hey - YOU, Mary Ann, could pray for them." As they have been faithful in the past whenever anyone stood in front of them....I was able to return the favor.

So I grabbed Leslee (I love to include Leslee in ALL things First Impressions and GOD!) and together we prayed:
for Kelly's safety and ease as she travels,
for God's protection for the birth Mom and this precious child that God has already seen,
for their safe return -all three of them!!

I look forward to holding this child that God has specifically chosed Kelly and Brian to parent and for the rest of us, as part of their family, to love.

I am grateful that God reminded me - once again - that going to Him remindes me just how involved He is in every detail of our lives!

I have Plenty

2011-03-14T17:24:00.004-04:00

My Mom is from Iwakuni, Japan - she escaped -by only one day- from being in Hiroshima the day the atomic bomb was dropped in 1945. My Dad is from Kentucky - dirt poor with 15 brothers and sisters. He joined the Marines for a better life - I think he would agree he found it when he met my Mom....and visa versa :).

They met and got married and then my Mom left everything - her family, her home and her friends - to follow this young Marine back to the States. She learned to cook southern fried chicken that had my high school friends begging for more- she learned to make red-eye gravy and if you don't know what that is...well..you're not from "these parts" :) and I would put her sweet tea up against Paula Deen anyday!

Here's this Japanese woman - cooking southern food for anyone and everyone she meets - literally. Once she had a tire blowout and almost crashed! A Highway Patrolman stopped to help her and stayed with her until my Dad could get there. They had a great conversation and my Mom learned that he loved Japanese food. So, the next day - she cooked an entire Japanese meal and drove it to the station to say Thank You.

She's pretty awesome.

With the catastophe of the earthquake and tsunami in Japan on Friday, reports are horrific.
I am praying for the people there as I did for the people of Haiti.

I saw footage today as Diane Sawyer was walking among the debris and town of Sendai. The people were shoveling mud - seemed pretty fruitless - and then a group was sitting together and immediately a man jumped up and offered Diane and her crew some food - whatever they had. They wanted "to share...we have plenty".

In the midst of the great loss - how do they see that they have "plenty"?

My Mom, in the midst of an accident, a hurt and dealing the lifelong sadness of leaving her home and family - add to the fact that she has never been back to Japan since arriving here back in 1958 - she sees that she has "plenty" - always enough to share.

I pray I can see the Plenty that I am blessed with on my worse days.

Bring it!

2011-03-08T20:37:00.005-05:00

This past Sunday - Volunteers grabbed umbrellas and one by one - they escorted anyone that didn't have an umbrella to their cars and then came back and escorted another and another.

Without hesitation - without worry about their hair, shoes or clothing getting wet or ruined.
These are the people that have experienced the unchanging and uninhibited -without hesitation-kind of love from God - "present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship" as in Roman's 12:1.

I have a t-shirt with this verse that also says "Don't just sing it - Bring It!" Now THIS is worship to our God - we love Him - we receive His grace and we respond by loving others.

You simple can't help yourself! You MUST present yourself - your whole self.

If we are tired - Bring it!
If it's scorching hot - Bring it!
If it's raining like crazy - Bring it!

BRING IT - all of it - all of you - all of me - all of us: Standing and defending whatever may come to try to hinder anyone from hearing God's truth and receiving His Son.

Wait for it.....

2008-10-27T07:36:00.003-04:00

My youngest son, Jackson, loves to say this....wait for it....in a fun tone when he is usually getting ready to put a huge smile on my face. I like waiting for those moments. Currently, God is saying to me...wait for it....in lots' of ways but mostly about waiting for the glorious reunion with Alex.

I know it's out there because God said so! I'm a very gullible gal, as most my friends know and it can work against me most of the time. So believing God's word might seem, on the surface, an easy way to just ignore what is happening. Hardly! In fact, just the opposite.

When I wait, I learn patience, I learn trust, I learn the lesson that sticks with me forever.

Think about when you have to wait for something-anything - it's always on our minds, it becomes part of decision-making process (whether we realize or not), maybe we role play the final outcome in several scenarios. Like Christmas morning...we KNOW it's coming, we see the gifts under the tree, the lights in the stores, the music on the radio. I mean, it's so crazy obvious, yet why can't we just open the gifts on December 16th? Well, it just wouldn't be "Christmas!".

We wouldn't have had to wait and wonder...and most importantly, experience the process and awe of what the actual day, 25th, is all about. Then we sit around every year and talk about past Christmas; what they were like and where we were and with whom.

I really don't recall sitting around with friends and family talking about March 7th every year.

God has brought new friends into my life that don't yet know Alex and it got me thinking that someday they WILL meet him!! How exciting! I think about what God is doing right now in Alex's life and my life until that day. I am overwhelmed with both excitement and awe and love for God that I mostly cry.

These tears are not because I'm sad (although I miss Alex more than I can put into words). These tears are because I know without a shadow of doubt that our day is coming. Only I don't have lights or music or objects to tell me how close that day is approaching.

God is calling me closer to Him to rely on Him even more as I wait on His timing and I have found in just the past week, that I'm a bit giddy when I focus on the His promise rather than on the pain of separation for now....I simply cannot and will not allow today's mystery to "dull my sparkle" or my love for Jesus!

Got "no" title

2008-08-16T20:01:00.002-04:00

We just got back from taking Jackson back to ECU for his Sophomore year...time is really racing these days. I don't like it one bit. I miss my boys; Alex and Jackson - always will.

Twenty!

2008-08-13T22:17:00.002-04:00

Once a month (and lately, twice a month due to what God is doing here) I hold Orientations - required to serve independently on the First Impressions Teams...last night was a "last minute" and "unplanned" one - but 20 people showed up and 20 people signed up to serve - I was blessed to witness:

20 heads nod in agreement when talked about this being a MINISTRY!!!
20 smiles when they learned that "If you want to be a greeter - apply at Wal Mart - if
you want to make a kingdom difference...let's go!"
20 handshakes thank me for "letting" them be a part of what God is doing....are you kidding me!
20 more everyday people that God is lifting to experience Him even more in extraordianary
circumstance.

Wow! Thank you Lord....times 20!

The Best Option

2008-08-02T21:20:00.003-04:00

So we are in our new apartment and we thought Hondo was big before now! He is a super, biggie-size German Shephard in our new home. We have surrendered our 10 acres, our log home for what we believe God wants to show us next. I am now surrendering my "mothering" as I get of the way of what God is doing with us, with me and with our oldest son.

This surrender thing just never ends! Oh yeah - it's that never ending Road Trip again....

So when do I get a break from all this Let Go?

Actually, that would be too boring and certainly not living the dangerous adventure of following Jesus. I really do not want to go back to my former life. And through it all, I do sense Him near me; encouraging me through friends' hugs and prayers, through affirmation from parents that have "been there", through extra pizza at Saturday service, through a good nights' sleep, through a relaxing evening watching a crazy game show with my family and through His word:

Times like these - the desparate times when common sense is not so common after all because what we thought what was the norm is now out of context and ABnormal.

So I RELY and DEPEND on God's promises and His faithfulness....Otherwise, you would likely find me in one of two places:

ONE: In a closet, in a heap with no hope or
TWO: Running the roads and trying to control everything and everyone while making life miserable for anyone (including YOU) within a 5 mile radius of me.

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I'm trusting God? :)

Road Trip - 4 of 4

2008-08-01T11:57:00.001-04:00

This week we see Mary Ann coming out of the convenience Mart with a giant candy bar, giant Slim Jims, Biggie Size Drink, family-size bag of chips…yep – she’s ready for the Road Trip to continue…..and what is this? Russ is throwing all kinds of trash out of the car – the “road kill”, the ball of yarn, the trash from all the food eaten and then some…..and it’s all flying all over the place!

It seems that Russ has been asking that familiar question when on a journey – “Are we there yet?” over and over and over….

**************
Mary Ann:
We know in our Road Trip with Jesus – we will never “be there” until we meet Him face to face! But meanwhile…He continues to work on the issues in our lives if we are only ready to open our eyes and hearts and allow Him to show us.

When I first met Dean, my thought was that he was not “my type”…he was “too churchy”…whatever that means! But God knew exactly what I needed…not what I thought I wanted; although I also did not want or have any intention or plan to ever date much less remarry. I love that God’s plans are way better than mine. Dean’s gentle spirit, kindness and calm in my loud, fast and crazy life is exactly what I need and crave and love the most.

Lately, I realize that I need to honor God’s beautiful gift to me – to show more respect and honor to my husband. “Sing-a-bout-it-is”- when I commit this to Him, He throws this right back at me to see if I’m really serious.

With our move from Pittsboro to Raleigh, I was transitioning our Small Group to a new Leader. I was planning our last Small Group gathering when I learned that a couple of the folks had suggested having it at their home and do a Pot Luck dinner. What? That was not in “my plan”. As I went on about what I wanted the evening to be about, Dean sat quietly and listened. Then he said; “Did you stop and think that they were actually thinking of helping you with not having to add this night while we are in the middle of packing to move?” Dean did not raise his voice. In fact, I believe that the calm and quietness forced me to really listen…to be obedient. Then Dean said: “You know Mary Ann, it’s not about you.”

OUCH!…….He was so right. (Yes- you can print this and give to Dean for a present).

I know that I’m making progress, and I know that I’m not there yet…cool thing – He wants me to get there! He will do whatever it takes to get me there….and He encourages me along the way as I make it further down the road……but I know that I’m “somewhere in the middle”.

RUSS:
God has recently been revealing things to me in an area of my life in which I thought "I was there". I thought I was doing more than enough to get by and definitely doing more than I thought others were doing. Pride, as it often does, even got in the way.

I believe I am a generous person and I love to bless people. I tithe to Hope and I also give "above and beyond" offerings to Hope, to other churches, and to other ministries that are making an impact for the Kingdom of God. I was happy whith my level of giving. God was not. God has long ago been ready for me to take this area of my life to the next level. I was definitely not "there yet".

So...I prayed. I prayed for Holy Spirit conviction about my spending habits. "Lord, nudge me when I am getting ready to make a poor choice". Above all (in any area of my life), I want to honor and obey God. A local pastor recently said that "tithing comes from obedience, but an offering (above and beyond) comes from revelation". God has been revealing to me ways to "seek first the Kingdom". (Matthew 6:33)

Now I believe that God loves to reward His children. He is not trying to deprive me of anything. God is just improving my Kingdom-focus! I have been "tormented" recently in a Nordstrom's fitting room, trying to talk God into letting me purchase a pair of jeans I wanted. I knew in my heart that, at least for now, that was not the wise thing to do. It wasn't easy, but growth rarely is.

"If then you have been raised with Christ [to a new life] aim at and seek the [rich, eternal treasures] that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. And set your minds and keep them set on what is above (the higher things), not on the things that are on the earth. For [as far as the world is concerned] you have died, and your new, real life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians #;1-3 (AMP)

Mary Ann:
When I remember my life BEFORE Christ: No reason or hope to live – to AFTER Christ: I live to serve Him
And Russ’s life BEFORE Christ: Weak and defeated – to AFTER Christ: Strong and victorious in Him

I remember thinking that was it. I was “done”. Yeah! But, thank you Lord that you did not leave me there but you carry me through this life. He makes it richer, deeper and sometimes even painful….but I have HOPE and JOY in it all!!

Remember when we serve on the weekends; when someone is rude or hurtful or confused – we don’t know where they are on their personal journey. If you had met me back BEFORE you would not have thought much of me or even liked me. People walk through our doors all the time in their BEFORE state and they also come in their AFTER state but God is working on building them as well. We must love them like He does and accept them and offer that grace and mercy to them because they might be:

Lost on the road
Needing to Rest along the journey
Cleaning out the trash accumulated along the way and we inadvertently get hit by some of it
Dealing with an unexpected event or tragedy
Finding their way to be more devoted to Jesus

This is what makes First Impressions Ministry a MINISTRY!

Road Trip - Part 3 of 4

2008-07-30T15:33:00.001-04:00

This week we find Russ and Mary Ann at a Rest Area. They have taken their breaks and enjoyed a wonderful “picnic” of rice balls, dried squid, “okaki” or Japanese Rice crackers-okay…so enjoyed was not the word Russ would have used.

Rest Areas are strategically placed along major highways for a reason. We really should take advantage of these Rest Areas to help us get to our destination safely and with less stress.

RUSS:
My dad LOVES rest areas. I remember our family trips and I remember Dad stopping at each and every rest area. He used to say (actually he still does say) that "they" wouldn't have built them if "they" didn't want you to use them! Rest areas were and are essential parts to my dad's journeys. Resting in my Lord is an essential and intentional part of my journey in life.

I begin each day, before getting out of bed, praying to God: "This is the day the Lord has made. I WILL rejoice and be glad in it!" It's simple, but powerful. It is not ritualistic at all. It sets my mind and my heart right before I even set my feet on the ground. I find rest when I intentionally spend time each morning with God. I spend time in worship, listening and singing along to cd's. (Hillsong, Planetshakers). I spend time praying. I read my Bible prayerfully. I talk with God. I listen to God. I'll read some in a book. I'll do whatever the Holy Spirit leads me to do.

I get refreshed and rejuvenated through this each day, but sometimes...sometimes...I need an "extra dose"! What happens then? I remove...physically remove...myself from my present environment, wherever I may be. I get alone somewhere. I just begin to praise God for who He is. I don't petition Him for anything. I praise Him and I thank Him. [Psalm 100]. It gives me perspective. It gives me true rest.

MARY ANN:
One definition of the word “rest” means “a place of shelter” and so when I think of Rest Areas – they provide shelter from bad weather, a place where we can focus on the next part of our journey. In my own journey, I have found God to be a literal place of shelter for me at Camp-Tuk-A-Way back in 2005. I was hurting and struggling greatly with personal pain and had decided to NOT go to camp that year. For the prior 3 years I loved to go to camp and lead the kids in worship around the campfire, But I knew that kids could see right through anything fake and I did not think I could honor God appropriately, wholeheartedly during this pain in front of the kids.

But God led a longtime friend and Godly mentor to Dean in Lowe’s – a man that we had prayed about that Dean could connect with since Dean worked for him over 15 years ago and Dean had not seen since then. As Dean was walking down an aisle, Norm came walking toward him. Shocked to see each other; Dean shared our prayer request and then Norm asked him about my going to camp. After Dean explained that I would not be going and why….Norm looked at Dean and said; “Tell Mary Ann that she needs to go to camp. God has a plan for her there.”

As they were parting, Dean remarked the amazing timing of their meeting that day and then Norm explained that he “never” shops in Lowe’s because he prefers Home Depot. The only reason he was there was because he got lost and came in for directions then decided to get his purchase there. Needless to say…I went to camp!

This verse reminds me of “where I was on my journey”:
“When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within,
Then I was senseless and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless, I am continually with You;
You have taken hold of my right hand (I love how GOD reaches down and TAKES my
hand in troubled time as long as I remember to reach up to Him)
With Your counsel (read above) You will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory.” PSALM 73:21-24

There, God had my full attention. As I wrote in my journal on the first day of camp: June 21, 2005

“But You, O Lord, are a shield about me, My Glory and the One who lifts my head. I was crying to the Lord with my voice, And He answered me from His holy mountain. I lay down and slept; I awoke for the Lord sustains me. PSALM 3:3-5

Difficult times bring many questions …God has allowed it or has willed it so therefore I MUST pay attention!! I am searching “me” in all this. Have I disobeyed God? Have my motives been godly? I pray that God will open my eyes and my heart – to stay the course – Trust HIM completely! What an amazing God!! How He planned for to be at Camp at such perfect timing – a week devoted to Him and others/the KIDS!

Last day of camp I wrote:
Last day at camp and what a beautiful day!! All the crafts went great. An awesome week sharing and learning with the kids about Forgiveness, Thankfulness, Talents/Gifts from God and Faithfulness. I laughed all week long. I am thankful for this week as God had my full attention and I pray that I serve Him well back in the “the real world”.

Taking the time to really get off the beaten path and spend time focused on God reminded me of how much He loves me. The lengths that God goes to get our attention sometimes is mind-boggling – He sent Dean to Lowe’s at the right time, He sent Norm “off course” to meet with Dean on the right aisle; He gave instruction for Norm to share with us and I heard Him loud and clear and obeyed and went to camp. My shelter from the storm of life – just in the nick of time and exactly where He knew I would need to “pull over”.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, ‘My refuge and my fortress, MY GOD in whom I trust.” PSALM 91:1-2

Road Trip - Part 2 of 4

2008-07-25T16:05:00.002-04:00

Here we are traveling along on our “Life Road Trip” and what happens? Yep! Unexpected and Unplanned stuff!!

This week we find Russ changing our flat tire (gotta love that smudged and dirty face….we’ve never seen that before!) I couldn’t remember how we got the flat tire but then Russ reminded me that I was the one driving so I SHOULD remember - HA! AND knitting at the same time that caused us to hit road kill and then off the road and flat tire……

We certainly did not plan to stop and see the World’s Largest Ball of Yarn and have it inspire me to knit– but hey…a gal’s gotta have some fun along the way…..

In everyday life, God loves us to be delighted and to delight Him! In 2 Chronicles 9:8 it says that “Blessed be the Lord your God who delighted in you..” and in Deuteronomy 30:9 we read that the “Lord your God will prosper you abundantly in all the work of your hand….the Lord will again rejoice over you for good.”

I love learning that God loves to rejoice over us!!! Just like when I wanted to surprise my children with going to a movie on a school night! As a single Mom, every night seemed like a struggle to come home after a long day at work, cook, help with homework, do the laundry. All three of us needed some unexpected fun and a movie on a school night would do the job but only if all the "boring, mundane stuff" was done first! But I did not want them to obey me only because of the promise of a movie----I wanted them to learn to be obedient just “because I said so.”

One night, I set in my mind (now I did not know God then so I couldn’t pray about it) that IF they didn’t fight at the table and finished their homework, I would surprise them.

Yep, they were awesome!! And I think I was more excited then they were to be able to say: “You are great boys! I’m so proud of you for listening to my tonight…so guess what…you have 5 minutes to get in the car so we can get to the movies!!!”

I think God watches me and when I do even a little bit of what He has asked of me…He “delights” in me!

RUSS:
All of our unexpected stops along the way are not always pleasant, and circumstances can get us thrown off course in a hurry. Life in 2005 was great for me and for my wife, Beth. We were very much in love, doing very well financially, and we had just bought a house we both loved. We were cruising along...no troubles.

On February 9 of that year, I got up early to get ready to leave for a business trip while Beth stayed in bed and caught up on the news. 20 minutes later, our lives had changed forever. Beth, with no symptoms and no warning, suffered a massive heart attack at the age of 34. For 13 days, I sat by her bed as she fought for her life. For 13 days, she remained in a coma as her body gradually began to shut down. Her kidneys failed. Her lungs failed. Her liver failed. She had extensive brain damage. On the morning of February 22 (the day before my birthday), I cradled Beth as she took her last breath.
An "unexpected stop" to be sure. God's grace was still just as present and prevalent that day as it is today. "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get His help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought."
James 1:2-6 (MESSAGE)

When the unexpected comes in the form of tragedy, and I don't know what to do...I can give it to my Father.

So, all the unexpected stops, turns, thrills, tragedies will NOT stop us from continuing on our journey because we have our loving, forgiving, amazing God with us.

Don’t forget to keep looking for Him in ALL your circumstances!

“…seek the Lord your God, and you WILL find Him
if you search for Him with
all your heart and all your soul.”

Deuteronomy 4:29

Road Trip - Part 1 of 4

2008-07-09T17:59:00.002-04:00

So….Russ and I came into Huddle to Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again”….why? Because it’s summertime and we are ready for a ROAD TRIP! Poor Russ had to carry ALL my bags. We double checked that we had everything on our checklist:
1. We need our GPS since we don’t want to get lost and that is our only roadmap.
2. We needed FUEL (I had my bag of chocolates and Chick-fil-a)..ok, ok...gas!
3. TRAVEL BINGO! Cause I gotta have fun on my trip and “you just never know what
you will see” along the way!

Well, even though some of us may not be going on a real “Road Trip”, this time of year we do tend to think of ourselves as “on vacation” – yet we know that God never takes a vacation. Life is a constant and ever changing, ever challenging journey. Instead, the First Impressions Ministry is all going on a “virtual” road trip together – it’s called Life!

Do we have everything?

Mary Ann: GPS? My “map” for life is my bible. When my Mom first came to the US, she could not read English so she could not read recipes. My Dad’s favorite dessert was cherry pie and as a new wife, she wanted very much to please him. Her cherry pie was picture perfect!! But when my Dad cut into it, there was no crust anywhere!!! Why? Because the picture of a cherry pie did not show a crust. Then we he bit into it, it was pretty awful. She had used maraschino cherries. You know, the kind in the clear bottle because it matched the picture of the cherries. While her cherry pies looked perfect on the outside, it did not have substance or any real resemblance to what a cherry pie is suppose to taste like. (My Dad ate it anyway!!).

Just like the pie, we can look really good and shiny on the outside, but without His word – the directions/recipe for this life- we “taste pretty awful”. My bible is what I take everywhere with me, in the car, to the doctor’s office…I never know when I will need His direction:
“.if you receive my words and treasure my commandments within you…..then you will discern the fear of the Lord and discover the knowledge of God.” PROVERBS 2:1-5

Russ: If the Bible is our GPS, then Jesus is the fuel we need for our journey. I look at my heart as being my "fuel tank". Ephesians 3:17 says, "May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell in your hearts!" (Amplified)

I dated a young lady in college who drove an old diesel Volvo, and for some reason, she often put the wrong kind of fuel in her car. That didn't cause good things to happen! The same can be said for our trip if we don't use the right fuel. There are plenty of options we could use out there to "fuel" us, but Jesus is the one we must choose.

With gas prices being so expensive...how great would it be to drive up to a station and there be somebody there offering to pay the price to fill our tanks for free? I would love that! In our lives with Christ, that price has been paid for us on the cross! Ephesians 3:19: "[That you may really come] to know the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge [without experience]; that you may be filled unto all the fullness of God [and become a body wholly filled and flooded with God Himself!] (Amplified).

Mary Ann: Got your TRAVEL BINGO ready? Let's play! Notice how you intentionally looked for each item – a tree, a tank, a horse…so you could scream BINGO!! As we go about our everyday life; we must INTENTIONALLY and ACTIVELY look for GOD in all our circumstances, situations – in the big things and especially in the small things!

So, PLEASE EMAIL YOUR TEAM LEADER whenever you see HIM, experience HIM in an event, a situation or a devotion, a scripture. We are sharing GOD with each other this summer just like you share your vacation experiences with each other!

“…seek the Lord your God, and you WILL find Him if you search for Him with all your
heart and all your soul.”

Deuteronomy 4:29

My God Radar

2008-07-04T06:55:00.003-04:00

It's July!!! It's hot!! It's vacation time...even if we only "go on vacation in our mind". But that should not mean we take a break from intentionally looking for God. In First Impressions' Orientations, I explain why we have a Security team; we must face reality of the world we live in and not pretend that just because we are in church, that bad things won't happen here. So I talk about my "Uncle Creepy Radar" - ladies; you know what I'm talking about.

That feeling you get when someone makes you feel uncomfortable or crosses the line with the way they shake your hand. I envision my "radar" working at all times because I've experience a stalking years ago.

I also have my GOD RADAR going too!! To and fro....to and fro...looking for God. At each circumstance, trial, exhilarating experience I practice: "God is that You?" Because I've experienced what it was to be in this world without knowing Him and I refuse to go back to that way of life.

So we are excited about July. I believe that we can all get complacent in our lives about all things - about the people that we take for granted, the food on our table, the work that provides the mortgage payment and even the God that saved us. In Huddle this month, Russ and I will share about being intentional on looking for God in our everyday lives.

Oh yeah...we will have a blast too! Did I mention a "road trip", chocolate, Willie Nelson and the new "dance" invented by Russ? HA!!! God....is THAT you?

Forgiveness lived out with Integrity

2008-06-25T08:52:00.003-04:00

Sitting with Javier; whether in a restaurant with just him and Dean; with a team of about 19 leaders eating pizza or while interviewing at BIG NIGHT last night (that's a very loose interpretation of the word "interview"- all I needed to say to Javier was: "Tell us about God...and his passion and faith for God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit take over)- you cannot help but feel God's power and love -even if you don't believe in God, I believe you still feel it although you can't identify it.

Javier's daughter, Amy, was shot and killed only a couple of months on April 1st. That morning, Javier received the call from his brother that there was "a shooting at Amy's work, get here now." He had a long, 45 minutes drive and during this time he kept calling his brother to get more information. He eventually realized that Amy was dead and while still driving there; Javier prayed to God; asking that God help him to forgive the one or ones that killed his daughter.

You see, Javier GETS IT- you know; that forgiving thing-even when "they" don't deserve it or even if "they" don't ask for it. As Javier explained to us; how could he not forgive this person or that person when God has forgiven him and Jesus paid the price for his own sins. His conviction to honor, obey and trust God is a challenge in my daily living - I know I will never be the same (which is a very good thing) for knowing Javier.

In the 1st Impression's Huddles for the month of June; we have focused our devotions and prayers and reflections on integrity.

Javier is a living example of man of integrity.

Thank you God for sharing Javier with me-with us.

SOLD!

2008-06-22T22:21:00.003-04:00

We sold our house!! In only 1 week...or more like 4 days.
- In this very depressed market
- In a rural area miles from shopping, etc...with gas prices crazy high and going higher
- In a log home - not your typical house
- With a "cash" offer - meaning no bank - super easy closing

I'm so glad I have a God that actually speaks to me and I'm even more "gladder" (yep, I like that word) that I listen!

So many times people say "It's all in God's timing" and I totally agree. The hard part is the waiting.

(HEY EVERYONE this is Jackson I just wanted to interrupt Mom and say hey.... Don't forget RUSS you have some people to introduce me to!!!)

.....hmmmm..where was I...Oh yeah. The waiting for when God is ready to move in our lives in a particular area.

So the first part of this blog sounds like - Wow...how perfect...how fast!! Well, the entire picture story really took a year.

You see, we had our house on the market last year for 6 months....a few showings. Then on the last day that the contract expired; a potential buyer came out because they specified:
- "lots of land" - we have over 10 acres
-"not your typical house - like a post and beam" - we have a log home
-"area for dogs" - we have over an acre cleared just for fenced area for our 2 dogs.
They even named our county! Reason they did not give us an offer? "The back yard was too small." Are you kidding me??!!! - Did I say we have 10 acres?

Dean and I laughed it off and chalked it up to God convincing them of their reason. God simply was saying: "Not now."

So, just a few weeks ago, we agreed to put our house back on the market NEXT year...God said: "NOW!" Really! I'm not kidding! After a looooooonnng week and then one of those amazing; Spirit filled, God focused Sundays; I announced to Dean that we needed to try to sell our house NOW!

This time around, we were okay with the waiting on God's timing. But I believe that He is using this experience to teach us how to wait on Him even more for the next one....which may be harder to "laugh it off".

Thank you God for Bailey

2008-06-14T14:23:00.004-04:00

I'm lying on a cold, vinyl floor in the vet's office with Bailey for the last time. She is my total focus, not the fact that my eyes are so red and swollen that they hurt and I don't care who sees me like this - not the fact that I am covered in her hair. So as we wait for the doctor to come in I feed her snacks. I break them into small little bites and she eats them out of my hand. I love feeling her tongue on my palm.

Dean and I are 100% certain that this is the best gift we can give Bailey. She has not been able to chase rocks like she loves to do or even take care of her basic functions. Is this living? Is this quality of life? The cancer has spread into her lungs and the doctors keep telling us that it's "very aggressive". We know....it has invade into our lives. What's important and not important, how we treat her and each other and it has invaded my prayers and Dean's sleep.

After they gave Bailey a sedative, I couldn't stay in the room any longer. I ran out. Yep. Dean stayed with her - THANK YOU GOD FOR DEAN! I sat in the waiting room, crying and singing "Shout to the Lord"...that's my "go to" song when I'm totally freaked out.

My Jesus, my Savior
Lord there is none like You...all of my days, I want to praise,
The wonders of your Mighty Love.

My comfort, my Shelter
Tower of refuge and strength
Let every breath, all that I am....never cease to worship YOU.

Within a few moments, God calmed my heart and my mind; I kept singing (quietly) and did not stop until Dean walked out a few minutes later. Thank you Lord.

She lived a life completely devoted to serving and loving our family - that's it - it's that simple.

I guess that is just one of the many reasons I'm a lover of dogs. Because Bailey has shown me UNCONDITIONAL love no matter how I look , how I smell, how mean I am to her at times and even when I have to scold her. Her priority was to please me and be with me.

This cancer has invaded my spiritual life...YES, God can use our beloved pets to teach us about HIM.

The priority in my life must be to please God and to "be" with Him.

Thank you God for Bailey, her love, her devotion and I know she is no longer in pain.

Majesty of our God

2008-06-10T08:45:00.004-04:00

Today it will be another 3-digit sorcher-summertime in the south. Remember playing the game TAG? There always was a "home base" that you could run to and touch and be safe. The fun part was seeing how far you could go away from "home base" and then how fast you could run back before your were tagged and then you were OUT! As long as I was touching the tree, the post, the wall - whatever was marked as safe - the "tagger" could even touch you and you were still safe.

When I find myself far away from God - His Word primarily - I can almost feel that "uh-oh" feeling that this time I just may get tagged out. So I run at warp speed to my safe place and no matter what else is happening; no matter how much the enemy is working to tag me out - I'm safe. But I can still see or hear or feel the attack, lies, hurt. Yet I am SAFE. But with God's word, it goes even deeper - not only do I know I'm safe - I'm also FREE; I'm Loved and I am assured without a doubt that my Hope in Him is all sufficient to go on with my day. I don't have to literally carry my bible under my arm (although I am now never far from my bible) because I bury His word in my heart - my mind.

Isaiah 35 this morning was His glorious reminder to me. You should read it :)...only 10 verses. I thought about writing one or two of the verses but then I kept re-reading the entire chapter and it ALL GOES TOGETHER!! Duh!

"The majesty of our God".....need I say more?

"..in YOU I trust.."

2008-06-02T19:26:00.002-04:00

"Wow! Thanks God......what a day and it's not even noon yet!"

Think that was a praise? Well; yes and no.

This morning we were told that Bailey, my 11 yr old german shepard, has a very aggressive and incurable cancer that has spread to her lungs and surgery is not an option. The prognosis is 1 to 3 months. My friend, Russ, was there waiting in the parking lot to sit with us and be there when the news was delivered. Further testing needed to be done that would take several hours and so we went to lunch.

The phone rang and Russ's, dear Grandma Williams(http://praying4action.blogspot.com/2008/04/birthday.html) passed away to her permanent home this morning.

Therego the beginning quote.

Diffcult morning/day? Yes.
Sad? Most definitely.
Peace? I would say yes as well. For He provided a beautiful, sunny, not to hot, day to eat our lunch outside - to make and receive the phone calls relating the sad news in the peaceful outdoor setting. He provided the friendship to begin to sort it all out and pray through with. He provided the years I had with Bailey as she comforted me, made me laugh and keep me safe. And He provided the love of Grandmother that only can come from a Grandma and brought beautiful memories of the relationship between Beth and Grandma Williams.

So, yes - Thank you God....it's evening and I'm still here and seeking to be close to you as I lean on your promise:

"To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in You I trust.." Psalm 25:1-2

Diggin it...

2008-05-30T19:07:00.002-04:00

So....a beautiful afternoon off and what do I do? Dig, pull or more accurately - wrestle, hack with an axe old tree stumps out of our back yard. Oh yeah...I "mine boulders" as Dean likes to call it. I found a really, really good one today. I walked around with my axe and uncovered smaller rocks which is not much fun. But then I came across one that would not budge. YEAH!! Now that's exciting.

The stumps are a different experience altogether because they have these roots that can go on for infinity. It's amazing that these roots get smaller and thinner and yet they are the source of most of my struggle. Of course, I can't help but be reminded of the old phrase: "root" of all evil or 'get to the "root" of the problem or 'don't let it take "root"....Dean gives me the funniest look when I tell him where my mind wanders - while digging for hours, filthy dirty top to bottom...thinking about the issues of my life that I let "root" and then all the struggle and effort it takes to remove it, get over it, get beyond it. Here's the thing - It's not just the stump-the obvious object sticking out of the ground, ugly and bare like a bitter attitude that slaps an innocent bystander with ugly words hanging out there and you can't take it back - NOPE. To remove the stump, you gotta go out further around the stump, sometimes waaaaay out from the center of the stump and all the dirt and surrounding plants must be destroyed in the process.

It's the same as collateral damage to the people in my life when God is working on "rooting out" my long standing issues/sins. Dig it?

Pain, Family, Love

2008-05-08T21:29:00.003-04:00

The funeral for Larry was today at 11:00. I did not attend out of respect for the family but both my sons did attend and I am so proud of them! These are the times no one tells you about when you are in the midst of a divorce and you think that for whatever reason, "this too will pass"..well it does..but the next thing comes and then the next thing and so on. There will always be something to deal with and to simply state that "this too will pass" seems a catch all for when you don't know what else to say. I HATE THAT PHRASE! Yep, "hate".

Of course it "will pass" but in the midst of the "pain" hearing that it "will pass" seems to somehow diminish the current, present, very real and, most times, very painful experiences we are handed. The past is the past and I can't change it nor do I really think I want to and the future is so unknown that I'd be wasting time there too. I have to absorb what is happening to me, my loved ones, my closest friends as it is happening. This may not be your way or your thing but, for me, I deal with stuff head on so I can move on. I simply cannot sit idle and let hard things just pass by without acknowledging it fully and feeling it completely.

So when Alex and Jackson each shared with me, separately, their exact same feelings and experiences today; I could hear how they endured the pain of losing Larry and also how they celebrated his life and what he meant to them. They shared getting reconnected in a new way to more family. Always a good thing! I could tell (cuz I'm the Mom) that they are experiencing this thing called "growing up". You know, when you just begin to really realize how precious and fragil life is. I'm glad they didn't just let it pass by but became part of whatever pain they had to face to learn that family is still family and at the end of the day; love is the greatest gift of all!

Larry

2008-05-05T17:39:00.003-04:00

Larry Brown died this morning at 6:30am. He was Alex and Jackson's Uncle and had been fighting brain cancer since 2006. Although I last saw Larry in 2002, I have fond memories of his kindness and gentle nature. Larry was married to Julie and Julie is Brad's (the boys' Dad) sister.
He leaves behind 4 children; Balynda and Stephanie from his first marriage and Hollis and Benjamin with Julie.

All day today I have been "on call" for the boys, as they relay updates and share their grief. Sadness in times like this seems to spread over us like one of those huge single gray clouds. You know, the kind on a beautiful, clear blue day when you're sitting by the pool, enjoying the warmth of the sun; then a coolness comes over you. You look up and the culprit is the single cloud obsuring the sun. Then, a few minutes later, it passes and the sun is burning on your skin again.

When a loss strikes a family, it's interesting to me how the rest of the world continues, oblivious to this lone cloud. I'm just as guilty. While I enjoyed the sun, I was negligent of the cloud until it passed right over me.

It just reminds me that when all is "right in my world" I must remind myself that somewhere, others are experiencing their world covered over with sadness and loss.

Peace and love to the Brown family.

It's NOT about me?

2008-05-03T10:47:00.003-04:00

I'm realizing that my version of what Mother's Day is about keeps changing. My first memory goes back to 2nd Grade. We made presents for our Moms from oatmeal containers. I LOVED making these! First, we painted the entire container, including the lid, shiny black. The next day, we were able to paint flowers in whatever color we wanted to but the teacher taught us to make the petals by pressing the paint brush on it's side. I remember being sooooo excited about giving my Mom this beautiful gift I made. The last time I was home, I noticed that she still has it and actually uses it to keep her hair curlers in (the ones she never uses anymore!).

Mother's Day as a child was a time that my sister and I would dream up ways to let Mom know that we loved her. We once made a surprise breakfast for her...although, we later learned not much of a surprise as Dad told us it was all he could do to keep her in bed and not meddle while they listened to all noise in the kitchen; we were only around 9/10 years old. We carried a tray of left over Jell-O, burnt toast and orange juice and she ate it all....only after my Dad "made" her.

In college, Mother's Day became even more special I realized how much she did for me. But still only relating to the things that served me; like the home cooked meals, the clean house, the fresh new sheets on my bed, the homework or lunches she carried to school when I forgot -which I did alot!

As a new Mom myself, I began to appreciate the sacrifices she made for me. I'm talking about the REAL sacrifices - no sleep, worrying about everything, financially....

As an empty nester and Jackson home this weekend after being away for his Freshman year, I am learning that being a Mom can be both the most amazing gift and the most heartbreaking road to travel. In the past, when I thought of my Mom - it was still all about me.

The gift I made for her.
The food I ate.
The comfortable home I was raised in.
The way of life that was doled out for me.

Today, I see that it truly is not about me when it comes to Mother's Day. As Dean reminded me this morning; I must resist the urge to clip Jackson's wings while he is trying to fly. I raised him to be independent and the time has come to let him live it. Waaaaaa...

As I struggle with the fact that "my place" in his world has slipped way down the list...down below his friends, his job, his school, his fun, his computer, his future...I'm just on the sidelines now. But then, hasn't my Mom been on the sidelines for me? Supporting me from the hidden areas of home and life so that I feel lifted and loved without really giving credit where credit is due?

So, I reluctantly accept my shadow role as it become darker to me but brighter for my children. After all, they have their own lives to fulfill and my role is not to live their life for them (even though us Moms know we could save them from soooo much pain). Moms play the most unrecognized "supporting role" in a drama/comedy/tragedy play of their children. Sometimes we win the "BEST SUPPORTING ROLE" award; sometime we are nominated with other Moms (like on Mother's Day) and sometimes...we just blend into the background and yet the main event could not be the main event with us...oh well....

Lord, are you a "Mom"?

Freedom March

2008-04-29T20:15:00.004-04:00

"Ain't gonna let NOBODY turn me around, turn me around, turn me around; ain't gonna let nobody turn me around; marching up to freedom way." That is part of one of the songs from the gospel musical CROWNS that yep - I was blessed to see a 2nd time!! (Faith Battlefields) I could go see it again!

This time around something else happened to me..but before the show even began. A young woman came into the theater (it is in the round) in a mobile wheelchair and her companion dog. She needed to have a place on the end or the aisle seats; obviously!! The Art Director asked two different people if they would give up their seat and they both said "no."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! This is a musical about faith and the gospel and here is an opportunity to be loving; nevermind anything about religion...but Noooooo. Not even the woman that wore her red hat and white stocking with red polka dots - I assume (okay, I'm treading on thin ice here but...) thinking she was "All that" with HER hat on her head. Clearly she at least knew what this production was about. But I guess the point, at least to her, was to show others that even a white woman could wear a hat. WHATEVER!

It was clearly embarrassing to the Art Director and I can't imagine how the young woman in the wheelchair must have felt. Then I noticed that WE were the ones that needed to give up our front row seats. No big deal-it's a really small theater and we were only a few inches farther away.

I met her dog, Wembley. A young golden retriever and he was soooo sweet. He gingerly put his nose to my toes. We made more room for him to sit so the actors wouldn't step on his tail! A woman behind me also commented on the ridiculousness of it all. I thought at first she was offended at Wembley. I turned around to address this cuz at this point I'm not believing that I could be surrounded by so many unloving, unaccepting people! Carol assured me that she was just as disgusted as I was how the other people refused their seats. I immediately liked Carol.

She had this deep, wise and gentle voice. I introduced myself and met her husband, Richard. They are retired, originally from New York City where Carol was a school Principal in her other life. They both LOVE to travel, they just came back from a 3 week visit to Japan and are soon off to Egypt! Carol says they always send their son a thank you note when they get back from a trip since he is "paying" for these excursions. Meaning; they are spending his inheritance. Loved this woman!! Richard gave me their personal business card and invited me to call them for dinner sometime. I can't wait!

I "ain't' gonna let nobody" turn me around from being a real human being to another human being; Being real means giving something up, I would guess 99.99999999% of the time. But I also have learned that I receive back 150% more!

Meeting this young, shy woman in the wheelchair as she worked (and it was work) with us to get her and Wembley settled in. Her march to freedom is on a completely different road than mine. Meeting Carol and Richard; did I mention that Carol is black and Richard is white; I look forward to hearing about their "life march". We simply cannot "let nobody turn us around" as we struggle
toward our own freedom.

The show CROWNS demonstrated the hardship and discrimination of the African American race. But the same issues can apply to most any of us at some point in our lives; Are we too short? Too poor? Too nerdy? Speak "funny"? A bother because of a disability? Slower? Too fast? Too much acne? Born in another place other than "here"? The men and women represented in this production inspires faith but mostly how no matter what: GOD IS THE CENTER and THE REASON and THE PROVIDER and THE HEALER which allows them to sing this song; "the world didn't give it, the world can't take it away."

My freedom to worship and "get my praise on!" is here to stay and I ain't gonna let NOBODY turn me around!!

Slip n Slide!!

2008-04-28T10:03:00.007-04:00

My son, Jackson, took his two friends with him to visit my parents recently. They had this weekend planned over a month ago after my Dad had surgery to "recharge his batteries" (as he put it) for his pace-maker. I believe they actually had to change some wiring....crazy! You see, when people look at me, they don't believe that I LOVE to do "yard work". Yard work in my world is not simple gardening - which I love too - but it mainly involves moving huge rocks that can weigh up to 125 pounds and clearing land with my chainsaw, an axe and hard work. I LOVE IT!!

I got it from my parents!! They are not afraid of hard work or getting dirty. But you MUST remove your shoes when you go to my parents home. And you better shower before sitting on the couch or coming to the table.

So when my Dad - we call him Poppy - was instructed "no heavy lifting or hard work for 6 weeks"! YIKES! In the springtime?? So, Jackson planned this weekend to help his Poppy with whatever yard work needed to get done. I love not only the obviously thoughtfulness of Jackson wanting to help his Poppy and Grandma - he knew it would involve really hard and dirty work and he was all for it!

But here is the catch - he was also going to have fun too! This part was not an intentional plan - it is just who Jackson is!!! He told me that only after ALL the work was done, and IF there was time; he might go to the beach since my parents live only 20 minutes from the beach. And, oh yeah, he was taking his two best friends with him, Jordan and Brandon! But plans changed on the trip to Havelock.

So on Friday while driving there, they stopped at a WalMart and found a 3 person Slip n Slide!! I happened to call him while they were paying for this amazing treasure they found and I could here the excitement and all three of them giggling..yep - 3 college freshman - giggling over a Slip n Slide! AWESOME!!

After the weekend, my Mom called to say they really enjoyed Jackson and his friends. That they had worked really hard. Poppy has been collecting bushes/trees for them to plant. She has laughed as she relayed watching them on the Slip N Slide.

I see that she also taught them her favorite Japanese card game and Poppy entertained them as well on his steel guitar. Hmmm...my parents also taught me about FUN! I remember many days of playing badminton in the backyard, croquet and family cook outs. So this gets passed down....

What a beautiful gift to my parents; taking the load of physical labor AND adding the gift of laughter and fun.

Get Ready...here they come!

2008-04-23T18:49:00.003-04:00

Last weekend, first time volunteers outnumbered the veterans!! YEAH! They were enthusiastic and ready to serve! Not that the folks that have served faithfully were not...but you can't deny the excitement of NEW!

Which is why I am even more convinced that we must continue to bring and build people into the kingdom FULLY!! Meaning serving and really being a part of the entire body. Not only does it bring a new awareness of what all goes on to "make weekends happen" but also it opens their eyes as to how the body indeed need all the parts to work efficiently! I heard the comments "Wow! I had no idea all that it took to make a service flow!"

It also inspires me to keep on keeping on when I see the excitement in their eyes and energy from their hugs and smiles! Those that have been serving ask me "Where is everyone?"
"What in the world is everyone waiting for?"

I agree. I don't get it either. Where are they? - if they only knew that serving others actually is more of a blessing to us! We GET TO sit on the front row and watch God working in people's lives!

But I also I believe that this new energy will spread - just like it has in the past - so on second thought...I better get ready!

Faith Battlefields

2008-04-19T20:57:00.006-04:00

Yes, the day is really coming whether I want to admit it or not! Another year older...eww! I remember way back in the stone age...counting the days and even declaring my age in fractions; you remember...10 and half or 11 and three quarters. Well....I haven't said 48 and three quarters but tomorrow is a full, 100% 49. Yikes! That's waaaaayyy to close to the big five O!

But I was truly inspired by a beautiful older woman recently in the gospel musical "Crowns" playing at our own local venue: Burning Coal Theater (http://www.burningcoal.org/). My friend Carlene took me to see it in Chicago about 4 years ago and I have been looking for it ever sense! My friend Russ found it in the newspaper last week and so Dean took me to see it for my birthday!

I was BLOWN AWAY! You gotta go!!!

The role of Mother Shaw really inspired me the most. She was vibrant, funny, take-no-prisoners about church, energetic and demonstrated amazing faith in God. As I watched her lead her family, love her husband, dance for the Lord and embrace a young, hurting girl with the strength and conviction of one of God's warriors...I thought.."Yep! Now THAT'S who I want to be when I grow up!"

The battlefield is real. I experienced it earlier this week. My friend, Vicki, sent me an email explaining that whenever a fighter plane gets closer and closer to it's target, that is when the enemy fire become heavier and more concentrated. So as we were celebrating the addition of 100+ new volunteers last week, the enemy was not happy and I came under heavy fire!

The amazing part was I did not just sit around and wring my hands. I called out for support! And within hours, God showed me that His warriors were out there too! Russ calling me the minute he got my email plea for prayer. Mary Z. mapping out the next weekend she and her husband, Pete, would take over so I could take a break. Kelly sending me the funniest group of pictures to help me keep it real and in perspective and Vicki's email to remind me who is really in charge.

So, I keep learning lessons..cuz ain't that what getting older should be? If I'm going to hang out here on this earth then please God let me learn something and then pass it on!! I have nothing to fear in getting another year older - maybe only what the next lesson will be!

Early in the morning....

2008-04-08T18:20:00.002-04:00

So much happens in ministry behind the scenes….and sometimes “things happen for a reason” and I love it He lifts that tiny corner of His Plan and I GET TO see a bit of it…. and then truly appreciate how He works through us when we least expect to see Him.

So much happens in the bible “early in the morning”….
Genesis 19:27And Abraham got up early in the morning to the place where he had stood before Jehovah:
Genesis 20:8And Abimelech rose early in the morning, and called all his servants,
Genesis 28:18And Jacob rose up early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put under his head, and set it up for a pillar, and poured oil upon the top of it
Genesis 31:55And early in the morning Laban rose up, and kissed his sons and his daughters, and blessed them
Exodus 8:20And Jehovah said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh;
Exodus 34:2And be ready by the morning, and come up in the morning unto mount Sinai, and present yourself there to me on the top of the mount.
Joshua 3:1And Joshua rose up early in the morning;
Psalm 5:3In the morning, O Lord, you will hear my voice; In the morning will I order my prayer to you, and will keep watch
Revelation 2:28 and I will give him the morning star.

So this past Sunday…for some reason my clock was “confused” and I woke up at 5am and left the house at 6am, unknowingly! One hour earlier than my normal routine. When I got to the church at 6:30am I was met with several of God’s “behind-the-scenes” servants:
Tom Biggs met me at the front door as he was already busy getting our building ready for Sunday – opening doors, carrying bulletins, setting out parking cones……helping me take apart and store the giant rainbow from the Volunteer Expo….all with a great big smile!
Jeff Zampa comes in the door next with a great big “Good Morning Sunshine!” as he arrives to prepare breakfast for our guests that rely on getting a yummy, hot breakfast when they come to church.
I get to the Shuttle lot and it’s raining. James Truelove is putting on his rain gear – coat and pants; picking up random trash and inspecting the lots.
The Shuttle arrives but it stops before getting into the parking lot. Mike Ross gets out (in the rain) to set out more cones and Shuttle Parking Signs.
It’s a silent, early morning “dance” as James and Mike work together to prepare for us and our guests.

I sit in my warm, dry car and say; “Thank you Lord for getting me here so early to witness your servants… early in the morning…”

It's okay.....LEAP!

2008-04-05T11:52:00.005-04:00

The "Super Soaker" last night changes my plan to dig outside today......well..maybe. :)

The lightening last night was so HUGE and BRIGHT that I truly believed we would lose our power. So, I lit some candles and then I assembled the emergency lantern with 8 batteries...just in case!

I blogged awhile back about, Bailey, not liking storms AT ALL!! With her aging joints and severe deterioration of her hind muscles, she walks around more than runs and she takes a few minutes to "think about" climbing stairs these days. Yet, when the sky lit up, I watched as she lept onto the bench outside our kitchen window to get as close to me as possible! Fear motivates!

I have been talking alot and hearing alot about that dreaded word; "fear".

The sayings go like this: Until the fear (pain) of remain the same is greater than the fear or pain of changing, we tend to stay in the same old place. I lived it years ago big time and sometimes I still do but nothing like in the past! Why? Because I learned the hard lessons of not having anything to trust or hope for..you know...a safety net, in case the change didn't work out, or was just as bad as I thought it was going to be, or I just frankly didn't like it to my preferences.

I have learned and am still learning that:
God does have a wonderful plan for my life (Jeremiah 29:11) - I must let go of MY plan.
God is with me no matter where I go (Joshua 1:9) - I visualize Him above me, around me and in me.
God battles the giants (unknown fears/doubts) for me (1 Samuel 17:47) - I remember "my place" and how much I depend on Him.

The list grows as I grow as He teaches me more about trusting Him. He knows me so well...that yep; He will do whatever it takes to get me there. God certainly is not interested in my preferences or my comfort. But He is most definitely interested in me being all about Him.

Unfortunately, for me as least...it usually takes a bright, bolt of lighting to get me off my rear and into His arms for safety and direction.

Pain is colorblind

2008-04-03T22:07:00.003-04:00

How does it really feel to be a minority? Personally, I totally "get it". With my Mom being Japanese, back in the early 60's, there were not many (actually 1 other) kids I went to school with that looked different from the rest. I longed for blonde hair....

At an early age, my parents reinforced the fact that my being "different" didn't make me better than anyone....but more importantly, it didn't make me less than anyone; even though my Dad's family called my sister and me "half-breeds" and so on. My parents were incredibly loving and still are...very accepting of all people...and constantly encouraging me to be myself in a big way.
So, I began to own my "differentness" and loved the fact that I did not look like everyone else.

Tonight, I visited the place that we try to stuff and forget and pretend we are way too grown up and mature to remember such things.

At the end of a very, very long line to visit Javier, his wife, and his remaining 3 children at the funeral home for Amy....I felt like a minority again. The Hispanic community blew me away tonight. Easily over 500 people came and went to pay their respects to Javier and his family. They came in the pouring, cold rain. They came with kids and babies in tow. And we all stood in a slow moving line, silently, together.

In a moment, the gap between race, social status, place of work or religion was wiped out.

We stood together as a people hurting. Hurting for a family that nothing we could say would comfort. Yet the very presence of the people was overwhelming as I felt connected to the human race - same feelings - same need for love and acceptance - same hurt for those hurting around us. And all we could offer was ourselves - brown, yellow, tan or white...

Amy

2008-04-01T17:48:00.004-04:00

"My heart is aching" were the words from my husband today - One of his co-worker, Javier, lost a child today. I'm re-reading those words...way too simplified; especially if you have lost a loved one. Amy was only 22 years old. I have a 22 year old son....

Another regular work day begins: Javier receives a phone call when he gets to work that tells him his daughter has been shot...that's all he knows and he races home. We later discover that she was victim of a shooting where she worked; another woman was also shot but escaped and the shooter then turned the gun on himself. We have no other information or answers. But, as always in tragedies; tons of questions.

Javier is always happy and ready to share how much he loves the Lord.

Lord, he needs you now!

Lord, we need you now!

We have questions but we don't question YOU. That's why we have faith in times likes these-to know that YOU must know "what in the thunder" is going on here!

Leaning on You, Lord. Desperate for comfort, Lord.

Thank you dear friends for the prayers being offered and lifting Javier's family.

NO FEAR!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-31T09:03:00.006-04:00

Burned out..how sad! I met a man at our Volunteer Expo yesterday. I actually semi-know him and his family from where we lived 20 years ago! Then, about a year ago, they saw me at church and came up to me to see if I was their long lost neighbor.

So, when I saw him just standing around after the service, I had to approach him and see if he was interested in serving somewhere, anywhere!! His face froze. After a brief chat, I discover that he was so over-involved at his former church that he went to the leaders to say "I'm burned out" and that, in his words; "My plea fell on deaf ears." He looked totally defeated. MAN!!! Chalk one up for the enemy!

I did my best to briefly explain that I am totally committed to help folks NOT burn out;
That we actually tell people; "No, you don't need to serve ALL the events that week."
That we help them to prioritize their serving areas.
That I have been known to tell people to "take a complete break from serving" before they meltdown. .....on and on. But how can he believe "just my words" as I stand there dressed head to toe as a Go-Go girl from the 60's.

Then he shares that once people sign up to serve, it's like they are locked in for life, like a death sentence. WHAT????????? What in the world are churches doing to their devoted servants?????

So, once again I encourage him to just come to one of the Orientations (no commitment) where he will learn how we do things at Hope (not that we are perfect and get everything right) but we strive to make serving the Lord not only a Calling of the Ultimate Privilege" but Fun and a blessing to others AND to themselves! We simply cannot FORCE anyone to do anything they are not either gifted to do or have a heart to do...that's God job thank you so much. WHEW!

He still had a look of anguish and so I finally went there. I looked him square in the face and said, "Well, looks like the enemy is winning here. You are coming to a new church, a different church and meeting new people, but the enemy has you frozen and still clinging to the "old way" and fear is keeping you from being who God made you to be. Why are you listening to that deception; you are not even allowing a glimmer of hope that serving could be different here too! Not even posing the question to me earlier - you know, your old neighbor and duh! Volunteer Director...wasting all this time not helping the body!"

He looked at me, nodded his head and said; "Your right." WHOO HOO Thank you Lord!
So he signed up to come to an orientation.

One of my favorite verses is from Joshua 1:6-9!! God COMMANDS Joshua to have COURAGE - not to fear anything or anyone because "the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
I like to take that literally! That if I go to a difficult meeting, He is with me -
That if I go to an unknown situation, He is with me..I absolute DEPEND on this fact and I pray for Him to be there with me and I pray that I know that HE is already there - remember; God is waaay ahead of us on our journey - or else I would still be sitting in a dark room, clinically depressed and no hope for anything good ahead of me.

How many others are still sitting on the sidelines because of fear from the "past of whatever"!
I'm praying for this stronghold to turn loose and for God's people to MOVE! GET OFF THEIR FEARS - GET OFF THEIR INSECURITIES - and GET GOING for the KINGDOM! AMEN?

God is Groovy...

2008-03-29T11:18:00.004-04:00

I can't breathe!!! I can't sleep!!! But I can dance........!!

Tis the season for allergies and worn out body bringing a fever with it. I simply don't have the time or the luxury to fret over such things -- right in the middle of another BIG weekend at Hope - VOLUNTEER EXPO!!! And our theme is "Groove is in the Heart" of serving...1960's all the way baby.

We always want to make these weekends EXPLODE and be so out of the box of what you might expect at church! Why? Well, in the midst of decorating the First Impressions area last night - we are having a shadow dancing area on a stage (thank you to my awesome husband, Dean and his carpentry skills), with a GIANT rainbow that is about 13 ft wide and 8 ft tall with 60's flowers all over it (thanks to Mona for running to Home Depot, purchasing the supplies and spending an afternoon helping to paint it all)- I asked Andrea, a brand new volunteer that showed up last night to help with "whatever"; "When you see us spending all this time putting together crazy, props, sets and then having us all dress up as hippies for the weekend services...what does this say to you?"

Andrea replied; "It says that church can be fun and Hope is all about making it WOW". But then she went on to tell me that for our Easter services, she explained to her Mom that they would be going to the Saturday Night Service since Pastor Mike "has asked all regular attenders to come on Saturday to free up the seats for our visitors on Sunday" and so "if Mike says we need to do this, then we need to do it." Then Andrea added: "The line at the Shuttle lot was crazy long!!! My Mom asked why we needed to park there and I explained that by parking off site, we free up parking for those that don't know Jesus. I then decided to walk (really short walk) to church from the lot and my Mom went along with that too. I thought; we free up spaces on Sundays, we free up parking tonight and we get a little exercise...all to make room for people to meet Jesus."

Bottom line: Andrea shared that coming to Hope that Saturday was WOW! To see God bringing these people to Hope - over 1,400 on a Saturday night!! That coming to Hope on the "regular" weekends is "WOW"...

Andrea said it best!! We do all the crazy, fun, out-of-box events and we do it BIG because we know that our God is SO BIG and amazing and FUN and most definitely "out-of-the-box" that He will meet us exactly wherever we are....Our part is to provide the atmosphere where folks will be excited about coming to church; encouraged when they get here that they are glad they got out of bed and came; and then loved extragantly as God uses us common folk, dressed as hippies, flower children, go-go gals and tye-dyed guys to show how much we love Him because God is indeed groovy and diggin' His people living OUT LOUD for the Gospel.

We all matter to God -

2008-03-23T18:58:00.002-04:00

2 first time visitors at our Easter Services today - 2 ways to show them that THEY do matter - and even that WE matter!

One woman was so upset that she was not allowed her water into the auditorium that she snapped "back off!" to Susan, a volunteer when Susan tried to explain more. She sat in the atrium, clearly angry and not making any eye contact....but "she sat" - she stayed. So after a while, another volunteer, Cindy, walked over to apologize and offer her the option to watch the service either in our Gathering Place or our Chapel. Cindy weighed this out with me before hand and was convicted to go to this woman, even though it might backfire. 20 minutes later, Cindy and this woman were still engaged in a conversation and as she explained to Cindy, "My name if Faith, I used to not have any..."

Another woman, walked up to me after our last service and explained that she was a first time visitor; parked right up front, but her battery was dead. I turned to several volunteers still hanging out (man...they just love to hang around!!!) John began looking for a jumper cables and then Ken heard about the situation and offered his as well. I turned back to her and another volunteer, Robbie, was keeping her company and stayed with her as we found jumper cables and got her off to the rest of her day.

Each visitor was shown grace and love - in different ways; and whether they think about their experience any more once they left the building; I pray that God uses these experiences to remind them about Him.

But I do know that each visitor impacted the Volunteers that touched lives;
I know that they were reminded that God is intimately involved in their lives and is using them when they least expect it!

They left renewed with why they serve; why they stay late and why they persevere through this ministry of loving others where they are...He loved and died for us right where we were and He continues to pour Himself out this very day. PRAISE GOD!

Missing????

2008-03-19T19:43:00.003-04:00

For the first time - ever- in all my travels, my luggage has been LOST! Gone - forever..well, it's not the luggage itself but all the "things" inside that will never be replaced - cool earrings from my trip to Charleston last year to volunteer at the Joyce Meyers Conference with my 2 friends, Russ and Michele--memories of fun, food and time of great reflection and GOD! Souvenirs for my husband, Dean and my son's Jackson and Alex from Disney World - I had not been there since I was on Spring Break as freshman in college; waaaaay back in 1978 and this time we had only 4 hours to get in as many rides as possible! The beautiful Hilfiger shirt given to me by Russ that once belonged to his sweet Beth; one of only two pair of jeans that really fit; my wear everywhere and with most every thing pair of shoes...

So I filled out a claim form and received a check for much less than I listed. So , of course, I called Air Tran to ask about the discrepancy. It seems a computer program thinks I can replace my Ann Taylor blazer - RED--you know, not just any RED...that certain, perfect RED..for $28.00 and so on...Then I asked about my luggage.

"Well, Mrs. Sibley, that was not listed on the claim."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No mam, how would we know to reimburse you if you did not list it on the claim."

Hmmmm.....I know I'm not always the sharpest knife in the kitchen ....but this was TOOOO EASY! So I proceeded to remind Michael that the fact that my bag is missing started this whole thing! He agreed. I asked him if he has found my bag-he has not.

"But you didn't list it on the line on the claim." said Michael.

So, I pointed out to him that only 4 lines ON THE SAME PAGE as the claim list, is the following:

"What is the description of your missing bag" I wrote: Black, duffle, leather with Purple HOPE Tag.

Then it was written: "Please list all contents of the bag"..get that? CONTENTS!!!

Okay, is it just me or am I in a Ben Stiller movie?

So I say to Michael, "If I list my MISSING bag on another claim form, you will process this and reimburse me?"

He says, "Yes."

So, 5 more wasted sheets of precious paper for one item, missing bag...that held the CONTENTS that were lost and I was reimbursed for at a fraction of any real value.

AMAZING! Sometimes I wonder what happened to good old fashion common sense.

Wait......I think I need to file a claim for missing Common Sense.

WHEW!

2008-03-17T18:26:00.002-04:00

Can you say "tarred!!!!"..like - exhausted but in a good way!

Just to make sure I don't let March go by without an entry cuz' I know "a brother" that keeps me honest on this..but I'm still sorting out the UNLEASH Conference - WOW! The Prayer Conference - ENCOURAGING and PSALM SUNDAY (or rather weekend) - HUMBLING..So today is my official day off before I continue the run to Good Friday and Easter; therefore, I'm trying to "rax" per my Mom while preparing for our Small Group Dinner celebration of ending our Transformation Study and hey...It's St. Patrick's Day so PARTY ON! :)

Noisy Friday....GOOD!

2008-03-07T20:22:00.003-05:00

Noise!!! There is alot of noise in our home tonight! The boys are home for the weekend..that's a WORK WEEKND (we called in the "troops" to help with major landscaping project to get our house ready for the FOR SALE arena) and Jackson has brought his girlfreind, Halee and his best friend, Jordan too!

Alex is upstairs working on the new Coleman, double-height-instant-inflate bed! His room is totally empty so I couldn't let my first born sleep on the floor..at least not this weekend.

This is the first weekend are together as a family since Jackson went to college in August.
So Halee get's the guest room where she has her own private bathroom and Jordan will crash in Jackson's room.

Oatmeal raisen cookies are baking in the oven and Dean comes into the kitchen and says "There's something baking in here!" Jackson, Halee and Jordan are playing poker and I think Jordan is winning.

Simple family time on a Friday night. Home - Sweet - Home...being Home is sweet when family is together and cookies are in the oven. mmmmmmm......

Things of Life

2008-03-04T08:10:00.005-05:00

When the things of life are left to me
The Things of Life grow into boulders on my back
Although they begin as insignificant and tiny
Without My God; they grow larger and begin to attack...

I'm weighted down - confused and frustrated
I question my place, my actions, my direction--
So I find myself sitting squarely with My God-not yet elated
But He reminds me of His own persecution..

I work at listening to Him.. not struggling
Yet the work in me from the Things of Life
Have grown too big for me to even sort; I'm juggling--
Which Thing is most important, which Thing brings me strife..

He says: ALL the Things of Life are for Me to carry
You just forgot to let them go and let ME BE--
Your One and Only in this time of your life - do not worry
Little girl, you are the reason I gave My Life....

Tools

2008-03-02T19:38:00.004-05:00

For the Glory of God..For His Glory..I say those words and I admit sometimes..that's all I do..Just say the words. I try to keep my "God Radar" on so I don't get complacent and then...I get complacent. (Oh yeah, my other radar is "Uncle Creepy Radar").

So yesterday while playing Casting Crowns' song:"The Voice of Truth" for a friend, I realized that God was actually playing it for me. The line "the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid, the voice of truth says; "This is for my glory'". BAM! It hit me. If I really reflect on everything I do, say, decide, or represent to others is for His Glory..then of course He will ensure that my life is all that He has in store for me to be out-of-the-park, over-the-top, beyond my thinking because it will directly reflect HIM to others through me.

When I was still in banking, I had a few folks that reported to me. Boy, I made sure that they were well trained, had all the tools they needed, felt appreciated and supported them to do their job the very best they could. Because, when the reviews were held, my performance was, in part, based on how well they did their job. These employees were never called in to the boss. I WAS! So I made sure they succeeded so I would succeed!

God's plan for me is to "succeed" in His kingdom; but on His terms and His timing. He loves me so much that He is actually cheering me on and pouring Himself out to me; giving me all the "tools" He knows I will need in my long, dusty and sometimes heartstopping journey. Tools like:Friends! Peace! Discernment! Quite Times! His word! ....and then, when I don't use the tools correctly or even recognize He has laid them out for me....His Grace and Mercy swims over me.

Know I've known "words". But yesterday I had my moment of peace when I thought;
Wow, of course God you will lead me to my "high places" (Habakkak 3:19).

A member of the family

2008-02-27T20:36:00.004-05:00

This past December, Bailey, my German Shepherd, turned 11 years old. In just the past few weeks, we have noticed that she seems to limp more than usual. Bailey has many names: "Miss Bailey", "the queen" (notice that's with a small "q"), "Sweet One" and the best one; "Girlfriend".

That one was given to her by my Japanese Mom because as she explained; "Bawee is so hard to say!"

Girlfriend came to our home in the midst of turmoil and sadness in our lives. I was in the middle of a separation which led to a divorce - nuf said. She was indeed a comfort to me on the long and silent weekends without the boys. She would ride to the grocery store with me when she was just a puppy. When she was older, I would take her as protection on my big nights out - driving to Blockbuster to rent a movie. I doubt that anyone would try to get in my car with her sitting there!

On nights when I was unable to tuck Jackson in bed in the midst of my depression; Girlfriend would climb in bed with Jackson and stay there until he fell asleep. Then, she would come downstairs and look at me as if to say:"He's asleep now-you can relax and get some sleep too."

That period lasted about a year and since then, she refuses to even go into his room! Don't tell me that dogs are not sensitive to their surroundings and home!

So, this past Saturday, Dean and I took her to the vet for a full check up - and it was there that reality hit me. They asked us to fill out a form and at the bottom one of the questions was:

Check one: Do you consider this patient as 1-a family member; 2-a possession or 3-property. WHAT!!!!!!!!!

I can't imagine my life these past 11 years without "Girlfriend" to sit next to me while I cried until I couldn't open my eyes and the next morning still being right there and still loving me unconditional. Or how she made sure that any repairmen knew that she was in charge, so no "funny business". Or making me laugh and watch in awe as we watched her search with gusto as we threw rocks deep into our woods, at night, with no outdoor lights or moonlight...until she found the exact rock and bring it to us.

Miss Bailey is indeed a full-fledge, card carrying, "bone"a fide, member of our family. And I am praying for strength and peace for the day approaching - as all of us in the family eventually must face one day...I know that she has been and continues to be a gift to me and I treasure and value her even more today than when I first brought her home.

Isn't that how is it with most things in life? Until we see "it" leaving or running out or fading away or "it" is completely gone - do we truly appreciate the beauty and fullness of the gift.

I'm Worth It!

2008-02-24T20:01:00.004-05:00

I'm baaaaackkkkk !!! I could write about 5 separate blog entries on the Leadership Training:
1. What inspired me by the speakers
2. What frustrated me by our hotel room and no luggage
3. What fun Deanna and I had at MGM Disney - in the rain!
4. What Pedro thought of the trip
5. Why I still don't have my luggage....

Hey wait - this is personal blog so I actually CAN write as much as I want!! COOL!!!

Did I mention I still don't have my luggage? Okay, really, it's my eyelash curler because my Japanese eyelashes just don't curl like other women. I don't know if it's because other women were born with curly, long lashes or they use gizmos and creams but mine never look "luxiorious and full". And my "old lady" (as my dear friend, Russ, called them) houseshoes are not here either!!! I refuse to walk barefoot in a hotel room....YUK!!

Oh yeah, my hairspray is missing! So last night, I picked up a bottle of the "magic spray". But not just any kind...you see, I sat next to a super cute, young (my guess not more than 25) woman and was admiring her hair cut. Turns out she is a hair stylest..DUH!!! So, from Atlanta to Raleigh, we talk about hair and styles and all the while I want to put my Disney tote bag (I hate touristy tote bags but the paper one I was using was killing my hands with the string handles...ok, I'll focus) over my head.

She recommends a particular brand; in fact RAVES about it and since she is just so darn adorable, I make a mental note to try it soon. I see the brand last night and must have it. It wasn't until we were checking out that Dean asks the cashier what could cause the bill to be so high. The cashier says, "something Redken" and I show Dean the bottle, not knowing why he is asking me: "What is a Redken?". Then he says; "For $16 dollars!!!!!!!!!"

I was shocked and embarrassed but thought, oh well, it's in the bag now so I'm keeping it.

In the car, I first explain why I picked Redken and I apologize since I never spend that kind of money on "beauty products" and then I explain -"Hey! This will last me at least 2 months so that comes to less than 50 cents per day - I'M WORTH IT!" (It's actually 26.666 cents per day).

Today, I had a really, really good "hair day" - Ladies, can I hear an AMEN? I attribute it to my new, awesome, only a bit over 25 cents a day hairspray!

It was worth it!

And so am I!

We are not alone!

2008-02-19T14:51:00.004-05:00

I'm getting ready to head off to Mickey's House tomorrow...that's Disney..for the annual Leadership Summit Training. This year is Hope's 4th year hosting Willow's Leadership Event.

Last year, the training was held in Chicago and when I arrived, I "got" pink-eye; in BOTH EYES! and then the next day coming home on the plane...SHINGLES! Needless to say, I didn't go to any of the conference training. That doesn't mean I didn't learn anything. In fact, that was the beginning of a major turning point in the First Impression's Ministry as I finally realized that God was telling me: "This thing that you are doing is not good . You will surely wear out, both yourself and these people who are with you, for the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone." Exodus 18:17-18. hmmmmmm....

So began the task of looking for ways to change it up. But I did not do this alone - There were a group of amazing volunteers that stepped up to the challenge to brainstorming; Russ Williams, Becky Watts, John Sullivan, Mary Zimmerman, Ginger Bowen, Russ O'Melia, Vicki Roberts...

There was Granger Community Church with Mark Waltz and his staff that shared their talents, their hearts, their vision and their resources to help other churches expand the Kingdom!

There was the first round of volunteers that stepped up to be the first TEAM LEADERS to take on the FULL STEAM AHEAD: Amy Sullivan, Russ Williams, Pete Zimmerman, Mary Zimmerman, Becky Watts, Russ O'Melia, Jake Jacobs, Cindy Jacobs, Jenny Carpenter, Ginger Bowen, John Sullivan, Dale Gyongyos, Ron McCollum, Jeff Higginbotham, James Truelove, Danna Ross, Slade Heath, Kelly Koeller-Anna, Jim Anna, Jay Rodi, Laura Rodi, Donna Mullen, Vicki Roberts, Steph Rodriguez, Emily Lynema, Jessica Pearson, Randy Waller, Brian Smith and Diane Dennis.

Why name everyone?
Because I could never do this alone!!

There are all the volunteers that serve faithfully which has now grown to over 230!!!

Yep! God really knows what He talking about - None of us are to do "life" alone - it will wear you out and those around you.

Thank you Lord for surrounding me with Your Love and Grace and Your people to make Your work be known and Your Kingdom to grow.

I can't wait to see what You will teach me this week!

I "do" afterall

2008-02-15T19:02:00.005-05:00

The first year after Dean and I were married, I told him I don't "do Valentines"...he checked with Alex & Jackson to make sure this wasn't a test. They assured him it wasn't.

I just can't stand when someone has to say they love me because of a marketing event. Pick a random day in the year and WOW - You've got me!

That said, I have to admit that there have been 2 times in my life that I was blown away on Valentine's Day and both were because they are unexpected. My freshman year in college, I sat with my roommate listening to the hall intercom as name after name was called out for someone to go downstairs because: "You have a delivery." Not having a boyfriend, I was shocked when I heard my name.....I found a beautiful bouquet of roses and I did not open the card until I was back in my room. They were from my Dad!! I will never forget how much his love for me was shown that first year "on my own" and far from home.

This year, as I was admiring Debbie's roses, someone sneaked behind me...I screamed really loud...(okay, I do everything really loud!) and there was my youngest son, Jackson. Standing there with the biggest smile, holding a beautiful red rose, a huge heart box of chocolates, a special DARK chocolate (my fav!) and a card. I was totallly blown away! He drove in from college just to delivery the valentines!!! And my oldest son, Alex, called me first thing in the morning to wish me a Happy V-Day with LOVE!

I'm such a sucker for family! AMEN!!

So, the usual theme of V-Day for lovers is not what I'm about. It's family - kids- parents...Because I don't know about the rest of you, but most of the year we certainly take each other for granted and even abuse; albeit unknowinly or unintentional - So, when I can experience love in family....well, I guess I do "DO Valentines" afterall.

Hooray for Mondays!

2008-02-11T23:08:00.000-05:00

I'm beginning to really like Mondays now; now that this day recently has become my official day off from work substituting when Friday's are suppose to be my days off. But there just seems to be so much to do in getting ready for the weekend services and it all gets pushed to....well...Friday.

So now, Sunday afternoons and evenings are so much more relaxed knowing that I don't have to get up and get going right away the next morning. I can take my time, drink coffee, read, relax...well, if you know me..there is no relaxing! :) ...No, what I love is that I get to just BE HOME for a full 24 hours!! It doesn't really matter what I do or don't do...I'M HOME! With my 2 pets, Hondo and Bailey, both German Shepherds, the Food Channel and God. Really!

We host a Small Group in our home on Monday nights so I "make a date" with God on Mondays to prepare and review the study - Yes, I actually plan for it all day and everything I do (cleaning, cooking, organizing or watching the Barefoot Contessa is geared toward the appointed time) and I have to admit - it totally changes my day, my week and well...me.

Now that's how I like starting the week!

I am HIS Child

2008-01-24T17:21:00.000-05:00

The battle continues - this pulling and tugging with figuring out how to keep the balance between letting go and asserting parental authority with my sons that are out of the house. So, as I wage on in my "self absorbed" part of me - the Holy Spirit digs in and starts working too.

As I watched the news about the death of Heath Ledger, I saw his parents' public announcement over the loss of their son. The entire night before, the media only played clips from the movie, "Brokeback Mountain" since Heath received an Oscar nomination for his role. But yesterday morning, they played a clip from the movie, “The Patriot” with Mel Gibson. Heath played Mel’s son. The scene is when Heath is determined to go fight in the war and Mel forbids him to go. Heaths yells; “I am not a child anymore!!” and Mel responds; “But you are MY child!!”.

http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0006307/photogallery-1

Talk about hitting me between my eyes (yes, the Japanese one and the American one).

My child is finding his way in this world - just as I had to do and in fact, I still find that I'm on that same journey. I must find my new path too.

When I went to God for comfort and affirmation, He revealed to me, not what I thought I wanted....but what He knew I needed. He reminded me in His word how many times we.....uh hummm...I mean "I" move on my own and forget or am unable to find the time to connect with Him. And after "all I've done for you"...wait...isn't that my line?

The conviction promts me to be a better parent and ultimately...a better follower of HIM. To MAKE the time for HIM and be thankful when I forget or get too busy that HE always readily welcomes back!!! It's because of HIM that I even "get to" get it.

Bag Lady

2008-01-19T22:38:00.000-05:00

I seem to find myself always lugging around alot of bags lately. My laptop bag, my purse, my tote/file bag, various paper bags for my lunch, snacks or misc. whatever. On Thursday, I added my husband's duffle bag, clothes on a hanger and several store bags of crafts and goodies for the volunteers. It took me about 4 trips from my car to just inside the church atrium and it was raining ALOT. Since we were expecting a snow day, the place was pretty empty.

On my 4th load drop, Joe, our resident always happy-always positive-cleaning Super Guy, rolls a huge rolling cart out of nowhere to my pile and says "Looks like you could use this. No need to work so hard."

I have been in similar situations - unloading even bigger and heavier piles of stuff, with people around and no offer of assistance. Not that I couldn't handle the task.

The point is: Joe's offer to help me with my load was a simple gesture yet filled me and blessed me that morning in a very personal manner. He quietly performs his work, ready with a greeting and always gracious. And he took the time to notice that this gal could use a bit of assistance; no need to ask her if she wanted the help since it was pretty obvious to him that a cart would reduce 4 trips upstairs to only 1 trip on a elevator.

Here's the clincher, before I could say anything, Joe said; "Just leave the cart in the hall when you're done and I'll come get it."

WOW! What kindness. A simple act of giving.

When I'm hauling my personal "baggage" of fear, worry, insecurities and begin piling them, I see that Jesus provides my way out as He offers Himself to me. He notices when I need His assistance the most. He reminds me that I "don't have to work so hard". I can put it ALL on Him and when I'm done with unloading it at the cross, He really does want me to leave it there; He will get it.

Thumbs Up

2008-01-13T17:29:00.001-05:00

After a night of mostly not sleeping and still awake at 5:30am - off to church we go this morning. Last night we were overwhelmed with huge number families at our Saturday night ALL PLAY service. Although, we have been running a Saturday night service; we added full service for our children - birth to high school. The numbers were high but even more humbling was the energy! OVER THE TOP!!! No parking spots left and our beloved Roadies were smiling and excited they were able to direct folks to park in the gravel lots across the street. We wondered what that would mean for Sunday?

As God keeps growing us, I am 100% convinced that I/we must answer the call to obey and grow too. Which can mean, change it up, let it go. So, one more time to change things up for the First Impressions (FI) ministry.

Huddle time (what we do in the First Impressions Ministry every Sat. & Sun.) Sunday morning was buzzing. Yes, the coffee always helps but again the energy was there again. In our midst, our friend, fellow volunteer and brother in Christ, Pete, was there. It was not his team's week to be "on" yet he lost his Mom after battling heart disease last Friday. He wanted desperately to be with us - his brothers and sisters who love him, each other and God- as he walked his own personal journey of loss and grief. Personal but not doing this alone. Praise God.

I always try to scan the faces in huddle to see if I'm making any sense (ok, so I don't always win that one!) or need to focus differently. At the end of a very different huddle, I looked for affirmation or "What were you thinking?" and saw nods, smiles and a THUMBS UP.

I was not available for our 2nd Service since I was holding a volunteer orientation meeting. When I reached our atrium, a full 30 minutes after the service was over, people were still everywhere. Our service was entitled: "Not a 'MINA' miracle" to celebrate how God used everyday people to make a difference in our communities with the MINA they were given back in October. Check our website for more details if ya like. http://www.gethope.net/

The thing is this, I could not have felt more blessed to be a part of what God is doing in our church, in our community, in FI ministry and me. I know without a doubt He is always working whether I can see it or not. Yet today, I felt as though God lifted the corner of the curtain to show us a bit of His handiwork.

Volunteers' hearts were being exposed as they served with every fiber of themselves. With grace to all that entered, with genuine kindness to help from finding a jumper cable to help start a car, to finding a way to help someone with gas money as they happened by our church, to finding me to connect with a first time visitor invited by my husband just last week, to standing in the cold for hours to help folks safely find a parking spot or leave the campus, to holding hands in huddle as we prayed for today; praying for Pete's family, praying for the service and the people God was bring and thanking Him for the privileged of serving Him.

Now, is this any different from any other weekend? Yes and no. No-the volunteers here have such a heart for others and serving God every weekend. But yes, because I was able to see it a bit differently. With a more grateful heart.

I am blessed by His generosity to use me, mold me, grow me and surround me with His people. Just in time of doubts and stress, He shows me how much He loves me as He guides the hearts and hands of friends and strangers. Swirling in all directions yet in perfect timing with a smile, a hug and a thumb's up.

How Happy are we?

2008-01-12T12:09:00.000-05:00

Last night on 20/20, the show was about rating the happiest people on the planet by location, circumstances, etc. I watched because I thought - Wow, they actually found a simple 3 step program to happiness = cool!!

Here are some of the statistics which I found interesting:
The part of the brain responsible for registering the big "H" is located in our frontal lobe. So we have a place to point to now.

Research has shown that 50% of our "H" is from Genetics, 10% from our circumstances like how much money we have, our looks, what we "do" and 40% is ALL UP TO US!

40% of our "H" is dependent upon OUR choices - How we decide to look at ourselves and our situations. Now that's pressure. It's far more fun and easier to be able to blame my state of happiness on my parents/genetics, my job/bosses, my friends (or lack of), my bad hair days, or my neighborhood. Yet, studies say otherwise.

Denmark was rated the #1 place on earth for happiness. (Iceland #4, Canada #10, and USA #23) Denmark also has cold, dreary weather, and the highest tax rate (63%) - those 2 things alone make me "not happy". Singapore was rated #1 city in all of Asia despite their extreme harsh government.

TRUST seemed to be the common thread running through these locations. Denmark was cool with the tax because the govt. covered all medical/elderly costs. No one had to work/worry about their basic needs; so 92% of them belonged to social clubs like dancing, singing, swimming - most subsided again by the govt. which led to a sense that they trusted the "overseers" to take care of them and they could focus on family and friends and quality of life. No one was obessed with things and getting ahead of their neighbor. Sinapore, the "overseers" took care of all crime and the trust that they did not have to worry about safety eased their lives. The people tend to choose to accept their circumstances and focus of the blessings.

Now, I'm not saying we need to raise our taxes and install "caning" to be happy Americans. Because they also mentioned Asheville, NC for happiness. Relating it all back to COMMUNITY and TRUST; highlighting the very message that Jesus died for: OTHER people matter!!

So in our churches (and I'm not talking about our building on the weekends) as we spend our time and our resoures on OTHERS more than ourselves: Well, I see "miles of smiles" and real happiness right here in my community.

God Connects

2008-01-08T20:59:00.000-05:00

Tonight's blogs reminded me of why I even have a blog. In the beginning, if you read back to very first blog - I was looking for an outlet that would stretch me. This has actually become a way to release the words and thoughts that keep running through my mind - to put my ramblings "on paper" and connect with friends despite our crazy, busy, distant lives. It doesn't matter who or even IF anyone ever reads these. Oh yeah-and to have fun too! The previous blog entry was just for pure fun. Then I read my friend's Russ's blog and was able to enter his world in a small way and in a huge way. Because of our faith and connection to our awesome God; Dean and I immediately felt pain and loss as Russ was going through his pain and loss.

Sure, Russ could have picked up the phone. But really; how many of us actually do that in the midst of our own personal pain? But you see, our God connected us anyway. Reading his words and plea for prayer -how could anyone ignore a friends request for such an honor. So, Dean and I sat together and prayed for Russ.

Praying for each other - God connecting us all. I just knew God would find a good use for the internet! :)

I'm just saying...

2008-01-08T18:17:00.000-05:00

This is the newest saying around the office..."I'm just saying". I guess when there isn't a clever comeback, the standby is make this simple statement. So.....I'm just saying..........because I don't have anything clever or inspiring or funny to say.

But I wanted to get something written new on my blog so that some of my friends - okay, only one that I really know about, would not give me grief about not writing on my blog for weeks at a time.... :) Hey! I'm just saying.

I'm Baaackkkk

2008-01-03T19:43:00.000-05:00

Yep, it's been a long time since November's blog and for 2 reasons - mainly I've been crazy busy; you know, working at a church during the holidays are our "busy season" - not complaining! But also because every time I even thought about writing here, it was always the same subject; quiet house, missing my boys, the dreaded "empty nester" which from here on out will only be referred to as "available for our next season" people. (I know, not very eloquent or catchy but true).

So as I focus on the new year, new season, new whatever..I found that the basic life lessons from the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness" had made me think long and hard where I am on the learning curve (on a scale of 1 - 5 with 1 being "There's a lesson here?" and 5 being "By George I think I've got it!") as I pursue my happiness. It is inspired by a true story of Chris Gardner's life going from being homeless to being on Wall Street. I highly recommend you rent this and then try to rate yourself.

Lesson 1. Never never give up on your goals - no matter how crazy out of the realm of attaining it. Hmmm...Rating of 2.5 - I'm still young (remember, it's all relative) and I have much more to go.
Lesson 2. Have good manners - I 've always said that my boys may or may not be "brain surgeons" but they will have manners and respect people and that will make all the difference in their lives regardless of where they go or what they do. TRUE! The fact that Chris made a point to apologize for missing a very important meeting led him other doors opening up toward his goal. Hmmm..on a good day a rating of 4...and every other day...3.
Lesson 3. Always tell the truth - Even if it makes you look bad. This is a biggie in my house so I will be generous with a rating of 4.
Lesson 4. Run fast and hard. Okay, a 4.5 - does walking really fast and hard count since I hear that is the only way I walk.
Lesson 5. Treat yourself and those you love. Not too good on this one...always worried about money or wasting resources so I'm a 1.5 here.

Happy 2008 - Learning Curve here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to the Family!

2007-11-17T08:56:00.000-05:00

My first Christmas - those words "WELCOME TO THE FAMILY" still come back to me every year since 1999 - my first REAL Christmas. The first time I completely understood what all the fuss was about with phrases that in the past were just nice words in some songs I liked for no particular reason:

Words like: birth, away in a manger, it came upon a midnight clear, let us bring him silver and gold, mother and child, do you hear what i hear, joy to the world...

Christmas 1999: The first time I would be alone without my two boys for both Christmas Eve and Christmas morning - How does a Mom "do" Christmas without the children?
How do I get through this?

God had a plan and He made a way for me - when I accepted Him as Lord! King! and Savior! Little did I know just how much I would need to totally rely on those words just a few months out.

As I prepared to go to the Christmas Eve service, the house completely quiet and still - I felt a bit unsure how to do this now - just as I put on my coat, a knock came to my kitchen door. A friend I had not seen in over a year stood there - she said she was thinking about me and just wanted to drop in and give me a hug and let me know that everything was going to be alright. Since I have not seen or talked to her in months, she had no idea of what was happening in my life at that time but she answered the prompting of the Lord to GO and be a blessing...

During the service, I listened to all the usual Christmas songs I have heard in the past yet I had never really claimed them as true- that night, each word was BRAND NEW to me -I remember sitting there and hearing them all as though I was hearing them for the first time in my life and I wanted to ask those around me, "Wow, do you hear that? Do you get what the song is saying? Isn't is wonderful!!!" My new found appreciation for the true meaning of Christmas filled me so that there was no room for self-pity or sorrow - rather an amazing, supernatural JOY! and gratitude that He indeed came here to earth - to bring light to the world and peace to all men...light for me to see the hope that I have for victory and peace in my heart that He will always provide and care for me. What started the season with who I limited as my family and thinking I was going to be alone.....

Transformed as I walk out of the auditorium and I made my way through the crowds in the foyer; then Cindy Mitchell touches my arm, gives me hug and says: "Welcome to the family"!

Thank you God for sending Jesus to welcome me into Your loving embaces and to my growing family!!

Sounds of Silence

2007-11-01T16:26:00.000-04:00

When will I ever get any PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, after the clock raced right past middle school, high school and now the boys are off on there own (well, for the most part) and now the house is too quiet.

First, Jackson left for college and last weekend we moved my oldest son, Alex, into his new townhouse that he bought - yep - my "child" has a mortgage!! YIKES!

Now I have all the time in the world to reflect and remember those years when I longed for a little peace and quiet and time alone in the bathroom. I better be careful though - or I'll spend the next few years "living in the past" rather than moving forward.

My quiet time now is mostly asking God - what's next? I know He has something good up His sleeve - He always does - or at least interesting - never boring. Could be something "not good" by my standards. Nonetheless, I am walking toward His leading......with help from friends and family. And when I get to see or talk to the boys -I will be quiet and LISTEN...for a change!

Get out of the box!

2007-10-15T16:57:00.000-04:00

WHEW!!
What an amazing weekend - it was our annual Volunteer Fair..but not just any old fair with a few folding tables, maybe a balloon or two...no way! At Hope - and definitely with the First Impressions Ministry- it's GO BIG or GO HOME!

What is BIG? Think State Fair, think out of the box - think: what is the last thing you would expect to see as you came to chuch on a typical Sunday! We all get so blase
with the norm that we miss out on the exact thing we are looking for!!!

Have you ever driven for 5, 10 or more minutes and never even remember driving those minutes? Have you ever eaten an entire WHOLE sub sandwich (I'm talking the 12 inch version!) and not remember eating it? Have you ever....ok..I better stop or I will be devulging way too much information.

The point is - I should be paying attention to the journey of my driving, other cars.....I heard it is a really good idea to actually notice the traffic signals and if I'm gobbling an entire sub sandwich and then accuse my roommate of hiding it..well..I must either be totally absorbed in my own world or I'm really nuttier than even I think I am.

So folks come to church for different reasons:
1. I need to feel better about myself after the week I had.
2. Can I find some friends here?
3. Can I find a "significant other" here?
4. I need to check this off the list because that's just what I do every Sunday.
OR>>>
Maybe..to see if there really is a God - Can He really exist in this crazy world - Can He relate to all the current fashions, ideas, violence, loneliness, hi tech of today's society...
And while I'm there - I just KNOW they will be asking for my money and my time. (Note to self: ignore all money and volunteer pleas).

So in First Impressions - We GET TO show folks - that yes, God really exists and I'm standing here to SERVE YOU because that is the best way you will SEE GOD in my life - how I serve, how I live my life because of the GOD that served and loved me FIRST!

This weekend - we served like crazy!! Everyone dressed in Black and White (we typically are in jeans and shorts so this alone gets attention:) The Roadies welcomed you in the parking lot, the Greeters opened your car doors, our booth had an 8ftx4ftx3ft Hollywood marguee - all B&W- a Chocolate Fountain and samples of Frappes from our Common Grounds team (coffee shop on Sundays)in a 16 ft wide area!!!

Kid City held there own version of the NFL Draft - complete with fresh popcorn, everyone in Football Jerseys - LOUD NFL music -

Drama: Made a huge stage area complete with actors in full Shakespeare costumes...

Tech Team: YES! We had a "blue screen" where you could stand in front and give the weather, stand in front of the Chinese Theater or anywhere else in the world!

Restore Hope: For the Homeless - they made a box home - just like the ones they visit when they reach out to the homeless...sitting on buckets...
This was my favorite area....across the atrium is the fancy Black & White - Hollywood with a real red carpet and ropes, next to them is the Prayer Ministry and wham...a homeless area of only 5 feet wide and 5 feet tall with 5 volunteers huddled together.

A reminder that looks like the real world - we have our fancy clothes and go to the theater and you look around and see churches praying for so many things......and WHAM! There sit's the homeless...wondering if we really do care...if we are really called to show the love of Christ - what are we doing to in our lives to SHOW IT.

A wonderful weekend that reminds me that I must alway get out of the box - the comfort of my home, my personal time, my wants and preferences, my "ickiness - meter" and really SEE where God wants me to be, how He wants me to serve others and then step out and GO!

Home Sweet Home

2007-09-30T23:09:00.000-04:00

Vacation is over and it is good to be home! I opened the door and was greeted with the aroma of a pot roast, the table set, a big Welcome Home on the whiteboard and my "surprise" which was a beautiful cutting board made by Alex - mahogany and maple and smooth as glass! WOW! Am I blessed or what!

And it felt so good to be back in our home church! The energy, the friendship and the love is what I know I simply cannot do without for very long. I was met with hugs, prayers, energizing and thoughtful praise music and Mike's sermon on Suffering...yep Suffering and I still feel lifted - THANK YOU GOD - YOU are my Home Sweet Home.

The 3 R's

2007-09-26T19:47:00.000-04:00

At the beach, the three R's are Reading, Relaxing and Rejuvenation!

All the time in the world to read!!!!!

I'm reading my Bible - Galatians - GO PAUL! "His word always revives me in a way only God can do and I get to a place of gratitude that seems to have been missing. Yes, I'm thankful for many things - but to really be GRATEFUL for what He has done for little ole' me -when I read about His total freedom and all that He has on His "plate"; well, when you look out over the vastness of the Atlantic Ocean, the seagulls comings and goings all day, the graceful flight of the brown pelican just inches above the waves and I look at the sky - WOW! And you God, take the time to love and care for me.

I'm reading "A Year in the World, Journeys of a Passionate Traveller" by Frances Mayes. She also wrote "Under the Tuscan Sun" which I totally fell in love with - her writings bring far away places right to my doorstep and fill my mind and soul with the aromas and tastes of countries I've never visited. Her words include other writers which further enrich the journey:
The poet, Frederico Garcia Lorca, born and lived in Granada, Spain. When he visited New York he wrote "that he could not understand a world "shameless and cruel enough to divide its people by color when color is in fact the sign of God's artistic genius."

I'm reading "Now, Discover Your Strengths" by Marcus Buckingham and Donald Clifton - always ready to learn how I can grow....nuff said :)

I'm reading "Japan, True stories" by ...a huge list of visitors, researchers.....As I like to say, I was "made in Japan" but born in the USA. I have never visited Japan and I'm enjoying the fun stories that I can actually relate to as many of them parallel my Mom's stories. Ahhhhhhh...soooo.

So, all day on the beach yesterday from 10:30am to 5pm reading and eating on the beach since the house sits oceanfront!

Today, all day in Wilmington, more eating and some walking!

The Reading takes me gently through the days and nights to places farther than where my towel and beach umbrella reside - To Relax my brain and Rejuvenate my spirit.

Dance-dance-dance

2007-09-23T17:23:00.000-04:00

Whoohooo!! Yesterday we made to the beach early and we were able to check in before the 3pm time. Good thing- the boys (Jackson, Jordan & Brandon (Jordan's roommate) were here by 9:30am!! Spent the day getting settled in and shopping for groceries for the week.

Okay - what made me think one shopping cart would be enough? I mean, I LOVE to cook and even though this is vacation; being able to leisurely prepare meals is a stress reliever for me.

We then discovered that my Dad's band (Good ole' fashion country music) was playing just 15 minutes down the road..So we all went. Now, picture this: Dean and Me in tow with 3 college freshman to a local Moose Lodge to listen and dance to country music. I'm proud that Jackson loves his Poppy so much and is proud of his Steel Guitar playing that there are no boundaries in supporting him.

So there we sat - the 5 of us - at a very long table on the edge of the dance floor. The typical challenges of "I bet you won't get on the dance floor" ensued and I was just the one to make it happen. When a slow song came on - I grabbed Jackson and he -more willingly then I anticipateed - agreed and we danced! Then, all of sudden, I see Jordan making his way onto the dance floor. Now you have to know Jordan - VERY quite, very shy..and he cut in!! The entire table went wild!!!

Then, the fast song - and I got Brandon out and tried to teach him how to shag dance. He was great and even learned how to pull and twirl me around. The bar had been raised!

Before too long -the "regulars" were approaching the guys to encourage them to get out there and yes - before you knew it they were dancing with women 2 -no 3 times their ages! Having a blast!!! In fact, show stopper of the evening was when Jordan agreed to dance a really fast - more "young" song and he can really move! Then a group started a ring of dancers with each person taking turns to get in the middle to strut their moves - and there was Jackson and Brandon! At the very end of the song- Jordan jumped in and brought the house down!!

All the while, my Dad was watching from the stage - smiling and hitting those "guitar licks".

Yep - we are defintely on vacation and I'm loving it!

Easy MAC!

2007-09-21T22:22:00.000-04:00

ARRRGGGHHH!! That's what real Pirates say...when we want a first down toward the most awesome touchdown!!

We arrived on Friday for Family Weekend and the first order of business is a trip to the store for the usual supplies - you know - cases of bottled water, beef jerky, a plastic tub for washing the bowls mostly used for cereal and Easy Mac - lots of those microwavable tubs of fake cheese and elbow macaroni - and this is now our endearing term for each other when one of us get a bit excited....Hey! Easy MAC!

That night, we (all 4 of us) had a catered dinner delivered at the B&B and the table was set with lights and candles under the Grapevine Arbor! Very romantic for a tired couple, a single hippie and a freshman in college!

Saturday was a day of playing Guitar hero, which I have on my list for Santa this year, and just hanging out in the dorm room...how does one live in a small 10x10 room? We walked to Ficklen Stadium for a loud and exciting game, even though we lost - as Grandma said - "Hey, I sink that is berry good game for they fight hard!" You go Grandma...keep fighting for the win!

Sunday, we visited the church Jackson has been attending along with his best friend, Jordan's family and then off to lunch all 9 of us!

Goodbye was hard - again - and yes, I cried and the deal is - I will ALWAYS cry! Easy MAC!
Nope - not this time - this is just what I do: I know because when my dear friend Carlene comes to visit from Wisconsin (we have been doing this 1996) and we say good-bye- I cry. It's a gift...or perhaps a testimony of how much I love my family and friends that are part of my family - like Carlene.

Family Weekend - Correction

2007-09-13T21:59:00.000-04:00

I stand corrected (uuhhh, mark your calendars on this one)....
This IS RT#4 -
#1 - Kentucky
#2 - Indiana - a zillion below 0 and no seat warmer
#3 - ECU Orientation

see...I do need to get out more!

Family Weekend

2007-09-13T16:34:00.000-04:00

I remember when I longed for a weekend of freedom - no kids - no cooking - no cleaning - Why do I wish my life away? Now I long for a weekend WITH my boys, cooking up a storm for them and getting the house ready!!

Gotta focus on enjoying the NOW! The people in my life today and the circumstances that go with it all. OKAY!

So, those that know me - know that words really do not express my excitement about FAMILY WEEKEND at ECU this weekend! Hanging out with Jackson and all that goes with that!
Eating at the cafeteria? GREAT!
Football Game? GO PIRATES!
Crowds? More time to just "be" and enjoy the scenery.

So, here we go - Dean, Russ and me; Road Trip #3.
RT#1 was to Kentucky and RT#2 was to ECU's Open House. ....gee...we need to get out more!

I'll pack tonight and I must remember to include my sense of humor and sense of adventure -
YEE HAAWWW!

Did I say I was excited?

A "Good" Buddhist....

2007-08-30T19:55:00.000-04:00

A question was asked recently:
Can a Good Muslim be a Good American? The answer was "No" and it continued as what I viewed as hurtful, narrowminded and wrong - So....yep...you've guessed it...here's my 2 cents on this issue:

How about this question -

Can a Good Buddhist Japanese make a Good American?

Well, I would ask to define a “good American” first –
Who defines what is “good”?

How about “the person” that pulls over to the side of the road to offer a young woman with a baby a ride to where they need to go? Is that a "good American?"

How about “the person” that stands by the kitchen sink at 1:00 in the morning, hoping to catch a glimpse of a runaway teen – no bath, tattoos (remember, this was back in the early 70’s) – to let her know that someone does care and then feeds them. Is that a "good American?"

How about “the person” that opens her home – never caring about how dirty it may get, or how many people might come or how long they may stay..and they typically stayed way past midnight – just to show RADICAL Hospitality and love! Is that a "good American?"

I could go on and on about my Mom, “the person” – Born in Japan and a Buddhist – she raised me Buddhist too! But more importantly she raised me to be open minded enough to consider all people worthy of a chance and to not blanket anyone with a nationality or religion. I guess it was, in part, because of all the hatred and abuse she, my sister experienced and the prejudices my sister and I experienced back in the early 60’s just because she was not “an American”. No one took the time to get to know her, welcome her or extend a helping hand to a young pregnant foreigner in their country.

Yet, she does not have a bitter bone in her body from that!! She has forgiven the Christians that treated her this way. They made her (while 9 months pregnant with me) scrub their floors and do all the housework in another state while my Dad was in NC trying to get military housing for his new family.

Nope! My Mom is the most loving and giving AMERICAN I know! And yes, she is officially an American Citizen – She studied very hard and took the test back when I was in college because she wanted to do the right thing and loved my Dad.

The following phrase in the original message offended me the most:
"Perhaps we should be very suspicious of ALL MUSLIMS in this country. They obviously cannot be both "good" Muslims and good Americans."

When we start grouping “ALL” people according to whatever nationality, city, country, skin color, hair color, weight, height, disability, status, neighborhood, …then we continue the ugly cycle of division rather than unity and hate rather than love.

And we miss out on meeting some really great people and perhaps learning a thing or two!

My Jesus taught that while everyone else would “never go through Samaria much less talk to “those people” –He showed his vast reach of LOVE by pointedly asking a Samaritan – But not any Samaritan – a WOMAN! And he did not talk AT her….he asked her a question – in fact, a plea for help in asking for a drink of water (John 4:9).

In closing – I am reminded of the very beginning of my own journey toward finding Christ, while still a Buddhist – I went to see Les Miserable in NYC for my 40th Birthday and at the end – there is a song with the phrase: “To Love another person is to see the face of God”. I remember thinking during the play, that God really is all about loving people – here on earth - and He actually could be something real in my life…….: And today – although I no way claim to do this every day or even so completely and easy as the Lord – I do strive to find it and He reminds me of His love when I do.

I Cor. 9:22 When I am with those who are oppressed, I share their oppression so that I might bring them to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone so that I might bring them to Christ.

I am praying..

2007-08-22T18:01:00.001-04:00

It just takes time.....

It will get better.......

This is normal........

I know, I know - All this going off to college is truly a celebration! For us all and we are absolutely proud of Jackson as he started his first day of classes at ECU today. And God continues to poor out Himself to me as He uses others - mostly strangers - to let me know "what a good job you did raising him" and it is indeed very comforting!

Yet, I am now surrounded by new Mom's and tiny babies that rely 100% on their parents and I see most of my work as "done" as my "baby" (Sorry Jackson) is away and making his own decisions, finding his own meals and actually having a fantastic time while discovering his freedom. So I find that once again, God is THE source of comfort for me while I once again release my boys to Him.

I am praying for my husband, Dean, as he has to figure me out through all the ups and downs.

I am praying for my oldest son, Alex, as he is getting ready to purchase his 1st home and be on his own!

I am praying for my close friends that God is using to support me - Lord, please give them strength for my "bakatadiness"....uuhhh.that's our word for "SUPER CRAZY"!

I am praying for Jordan, Jackson's best friend, also at ECU, to be encouraged and finding fulfillment with spreading his wings.

But I find I am praying alot for Jackson - for discernment regarding his time and choices, for his saftety, for his spirit to remain lifted, for him to find his rhythm of the daily schedules (he loves rhythm), for really great memories and amazing, crazy, "you-are-not-going-to-believe-what-happened times", to remember to call home, to know that He is always safe with God.

It goes back to when Jackson was about 8 years old and he was away from home and scared. He called me for some comfort and I prayed then. When he got home, I asked him how did he sleep that night. He answered, "Well, I just kept thinking about Jesus and He put me to sleep."

I knew then that even as great a Mom I might be (HA!:), I could never be with my boys all the time or forever...but God taught me that He could and He would.

So....I'll keep praying.

Summit Time!

2007-08-09T18:28:00.000-04:00

WHEW!!! What an amazing crazy busy spirit-filled day!

It is Leadership Summit at Hope this week (we are a host site for Willow Creeks' annual event) and the day started out with the usual tweeks and irks...

Volunteer 1 found out that last night he needed to be at Federal Court today and so he would most likely not be able to serve with Cas's team; Volunteer 2's car broke down on the way here and was waiting for a tow truck; Coffee (very very critical for when most of the volunteers have been up since the crack of dawn!) was not delivered --ok - that was MORE than just a tweek or an "irk".

However, God took care of ALL these details - as He always does! Another volunteer that signed up so early on that I did not assign him to a particular group and at training last night, he just "happen" to hang out with Cas's Team for training in case he needed to be a floater...... He floated alright- taking care of two other churches all throughout the day with the biggest smile and wearing all our crazy hats/bouncing eyeballs, etc all at the same time - serving with joy and a being a blessing for our guests! You Go LEE!!

Another volunteer eagerly left to pick up our stranded Volunteer Mary - and it was not just so he would not have to wear the "whiney pin" !! Thank you BRIAN! It also didn't hurt that Brian is a policeman and so it saved Mary from waiting so long due my being "directionally challenged" !

Then I heard that our dear Marlene suggested with all the people arriving at the same time and some in groups - that Russ focus on the Groups and she would greet the individuals. Why the attention and fuss? Well, first of all...that's just what we do at Hope and secondly, we had rooms reserved for some groups and we wanted to make sure they did not get lost in the crowd and we wanted the individuals to feel welcomed and not get lost in the crowd....I love themes!

The result was Russ being able to find a group that as of yesterday transferred their 11 registrations to this location and we were able to reassure them that we were ready and prepared to take care of them.

Coffee....hhmmmmm..okay that one is harder reconcile other than the fact that not only did we survive without it....we soared!! The team today has amazing heart and I'm more than priveledged to serve with them! I am lifted and encouraged and inspired to see folks do what they do best. But here is what is really cool - to see folks step out of their comfort zone and see how God can use them and proved that once again His word is so true in Matthew 20: 26...
"whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant.."

ONE TEAM - ONE GOAL - ONE GOD!

YOU ROCK!!!

Taking the next step

2007-08-05T16:27:00.000-04:00

Today was the official "Going away" party for both Jackson and Jordan (Jackson's best friend) as they head off to college in just 12 days.......sigh... We held a joint party with Jordan's family and I would like to note that I'll "do" a party with BeBe, that's Jordan's grandmother, any day!!
What a fabulous and cook and party planner!! We were two of a kind!

What a joy to spend the afternoon with family and friends! Friends that I have not seen in a long time came and we were able to catch up and noticed that time melts away when you connect with people that you love so dearly! New and dear friends, longtime freinds - we are all connected by God's amazing love!! A few "took me in" when I was lonely and deperate for something that I had no idea about - God. I like to say that back then, "I didn't know God but I knew.......Landis, Frank, Phillip, Becky......." Through these friends, I experienced God's love and acceptance as He drew me closer and closer until August 10, 1999 when I finally found and accepted His forgiveness. I remember calling Landis that very afternoon and leaving a voicemessage telling her that "I am a child of God!".

And now, 8 years later, my youngest son is heading out to college and Mom is struggling with the growing up and leaving home thing - I know that was the plan all along...DUH!!! But, struggling nonetheless.

Yet today God reminds me why He surrounds me with such loving people! He knew this day was coming and He knew exactly how I would be feeling. I look about the room and see the faithful ones.

Just a little going away party; right? Right....uhhhh - It's as though I can hear Him say:

See the folks that you knew you "back when" and they are still here pulling for you?

See the new friends that feel as though you have been together since "WAAAY back then" supporting and cheering you on?

Feel the hugs?

See the looks of encouragment?

Hear the voices of love and truth?

See everyone cleaning up?.... okay, now that's real friendship! Russ and Michele have a permanent invitation to all parties!

You see, God keeps enlarging my circle of friends. Now, it is NOT about having the most friends; but God has clearly used certain people in my life to bring me to where I am today. As long as I allow Him to stretch me and see others as needing Him as much as I need Him, He introduces me to really amazing, fun, uplifting, "Ponce-playing", thought-provoking, challenging, loving people.

I try real hard (notice I said "try" cuz I ain't all that good at it) to remember that God brings new people into my life - for a reason.

As we start taking the next step of having the boys move away from home...God is guiding me through this phase and once again, He reminds me that He is taking care of the details.

He is circling the "camp" with His very creations - you and me, and I am comforted by the fact that we will take this next step TOGETHER!

The BIG picture

2007-08-01T19:50:00.000-04:00

So, if you scrolled all the way to the bottom of this blog - I assume others do since I do to make sure I haven't missed anything- you will notice a really, really BIG picture. This proves how unskilled I am with the high tech blog thing.

You see, as usual, I'm in competition with a friend who shall remain nameless about how good our blogs can look. I realized that I did not have any pictures on this one and so I attempted to upload, unload, reload and then hit-the-road after this final version.

The picture is really great!! On our roadtrip to Kentucky, we spent most of the day with these beautiful horses!

Typically, I am very intimidated by horses. However, I met a beautiful lady, soon to be a "Mom" and we connected. It was like a "girl-mom thing". She was far out in the middle of the pasture and I clicked my tongue to get her attention. She looked at me and then very slowly and deliberately made her way to me. She came right up to me and she was gorgeous! She kept leaning into the fence so I could keep petting the top of her nose which was incredibly soft!! I had no idea how soft.

I was able to capture this photo as we walked around the barns and I have to say that these 2 gentlemen keep me on my toes (no jokes about being short), make me laugh, lift me up and defines being a family through all things.

I'm glad the picture is so big! They are very big in my life!

However, if I keep adding pictures like this - I'll need an entire website. Hey!! Now that's what I'm talking about!

Major generosity

2007-07-30T22:03:00.000-04:00

In just one week, the world can appear as though all is "right" or all is "wrong". I'm learning (over and over and over) that it usually is never "all" anything. Yet, last week it most definitely appeared to be "all wrong".

A week of pain and rejection culminated into God showing me, once again, how much he thinks of me and for Him, in ALL things. I love the part in Matthew when Jesus asks the question of the laborers in the field, "are you jealous because I am so generous?" I have referred back to that verse in so many circumstances in my early years seeking Him and yet not even knowing I was seeking Him. He generosity truly overflows my worthiness and I must remember to not be jealous when He demonstrates His generosity to others.

So when my husband, Dean, prayed last Thursday for me - without my knowing - that God would bring someone to directly to me, in person, to reach out and encourage me since he was working in another state - God sent not just one person within 5 minutes of his prayer (I learned later), but 3 people. One after the other - and they typically do not just walk in my office as such. And yet each person brought out a specific and different area that I was struggling with that come flowing naturally - no set up; no giving my list; no my seeking them for what I thought they could give me.

"Just" God using people and people being obedient to His word - you know, that love and kindness and gentleness and encouraging thing. WOW! What a wonderfully GENEROUS GOD!

Wanna trade?

2007-07-27T20:40:00.000-04:00

Wow - What a storm! In just a few seconds, the clouds came in and the rain started pouring in sideways! My big, bad German Shepherd, Bailey - or as my Mom and I like to call her; "Girlfriend" only because my Mom has a hard time pronouncing Bailey - my Mom is Japanese :) ..ok ok I've to get better at stay off those rabbit trails - So- Bailey is terrified and we let her in the house. However, she just cannot settle down anywhere. The only way we can get her to lay down is to ask her if she wants a bath - whosh - on the floor like a rug as if now we cannot see her.

Our other, even bigger Shepherd, Hondo, could care less about thunder and lightening. He is sleeping on the porch and would rather not be bothered.

We are all so different - COOL! Not boring! Let's comfort those that need comforting for reasons we really don't "get" and let's let "sleeping dogs' lie" which I now see as appreciating the fact that some of us really are okay with turmoil and loud sounds.

Growing up as really different from all the other kids in class there was no blending in. I stood out, for better or for worse - so I strived for "better" and endured the "worse". Yep, that was a long, long time ago.....in a land far far away...uh oh - another rabbit trail - STOP!

The most I ever wanted back in 1st Grade was to have blonde hair! If I had blonde hair, I would fit in and all would be "better". But then I on a sitcom, I heard one of the best lines that summarized this for me - An oriental woman with long, straight, dark hair was walking by a tall blonde woman; they stopped and looked at each other and the oriental woman said: "I know, I know, you want my hair and I want yours."

Bailey is now sleeping peacefully under our kitchen table and it is still raining. But we have stopped fighting with trying to get her to calm down and threatening her with a bath. We let her be afraid, we laid on the floor beside her and rubbed her muzzle. It did not bother her that Hondo was not afraid - She was and she wanted us to take care of it. Plain and simple.

Meanwhile, Hondo is eating his dinner in the garage, tail wagging. Each in their rightful places - not worrying for a second about what the other one is doing. hmmmmm......wanna trade?

It's just me

2007-07-26T14:01:00.000-04:00

Okay - here I go..I'm really doing it! Going high tech...don't laugh. Well, you can laugh but the truth is the truth and making a blog is considered high tech for me. In fact, the simpliest thing like - "name your blog" was a challenge. Name? uhhhh...don't I use my name? Do I try to come up with something really catchy - and who considers what is catchy and would agree with my definition. OR......cute?..naw...Edgy? ..you've got to be kidding...hmmm....how about my name!

After I choose to go with "maryann" I see what other people choose and think...wow, I'm pretty ordinary. But then, once again, the truth is the truth!

Not feeling bad about it though!

But then - there was another "name" I needed to set up and since we are all on this life "journey" - there ya go.

So the reason for all this? Well, instead of "forcing" folks to read emails I send them - why not put "just me" on a blog and those that desire to read further...can.

I have no clue at this point as to how much or how often I will use this but I have a feeling it will be alot! This is actually fun. It helps to get my thoughts on "paper" so I free my mind for more important things like what's for dinner. (More on that later).

Seriously, as part of my job, I get to interact with many different people. Now, we can all come together in a web discussion about events and issues that impact what we do on the weekends and simply put; we work at providing a safe environment at church that says - we welcome you as you are and where you are - because we are more alike than you may think :).